


Lost Ships

by HerMelancholy (KissMySelfie)



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst, Don’t copy to another site, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-19
Updated: 2019-10-20
Packaged: 2019-10-31 06:49:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 23
Words: 28,641
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17844458
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KissMySelfie/pseuds/HerMelancholy
Summary: Why are old lovers able to become friends?Two reason. They never truly loved each other, orthey love each other still.-Whitney OttoOrA self-indulgent divorce Au





	1. After

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: English is not my first language. Let me know of any mistakes that might bother you.
> 
> (Further explanation about the fic in the end notes)

July.17.2030

 

The house was filled with guests. There were balloons everywhere, and the kids were running around like maniacs, knocking into people and furniture in a game one of them came up with. Thankfully, Lena had anticipated it, and she had moved all the valuable possessions to the second floor and secured all pointy edges to avoid major injuries.

Lena was chatting with Teddy’s mother when she saw her little rebel heading for her direction. With perfect timing, Lena grabbed her daughter, locking her in a hug and the two giggled together. Lena filled Chloe’s cheek with kisses, and her daughter tried to struggle her way out of her arms. The laughs weren’t helpful.

It was Chloe’s birthday; Lena was entitled to be as sappy as she wanted. She only had so many years until Chloe turned into a boring teenager.

“What are you up to, Rocky?” Lena asked, letting her daughter go only to tickle her.

“We’re playing catch!”

“That sounds fun, just be careful or one of you might get hurt.” Chloe nodded. A movement on the background caught Lena’s attention. She opened a smile before turning back to Chloe. “Look who’s arrived?”

With a Kara level of stealth, Chloe turned her whole body to see Alex standing across the room. She let out a ‘mama’ running towards Alex’s. Chloe’s scream made Alex aware of her daughter and caught her when Chloe leaped into her arms. Alex lifted her daughter up high making Chloe laugh before the two of them fall into a long embrace. After that Lena could see the two of them talking – and Chloe appeared to have completely forgotten about the game she was playing.

It was almost like Chloe hadn’t seen her mama just a few hours ago.

“Is it true then?” Teddy’s mother asked approaching Lena once again. Lena was confused given the woman’s absolute lack of context. “There’s been some rumors about the two of you getting back together. You know I’m not the one to gossip, but I couldn’t help but overhear the girls talking.” That was bullshit. She was one of the biggest gossipers of the parents' group. Inevitably, Alex and Lena were the talk of the moment. “I’m sure Chloe must be thrilled.”

“We’re not.”

Lena looked at her daughter and Alex. They waved at Lena. Alex put Chloe down, and the little girl went back running. Alex laughed a bit until somebody called her, and Lena lost her in the crowd.

“That’s a pity,” Teddy’s mother continued. Lena was being tortured for half an hour already, and the woman showed no signs of stopping. It was worse than her budget meetings. “I hear Jennifer has her eyes on Alex.”

Lena held her laugh. Truth was, there was always talk about Alex among the parents, even when they were still married. Those women were all bark and not bite. Plus, apart from Annie – who was happily married for all that she knew –, they were all too straight to represent some sort of threat.

Well, not a threat. They weren’t together anymore.

“Hey, do you mind if I steal her a for a bit?” Alex had somehow teleported behind Lena. Lena had zoned off when Teddy’s mother continued talking about Jen. The third woman opened a shit eating grin and left Alex and Lena alone – surely to spread some lies to the rest of the parents. Alex smiled and handed Lena a glass of wine.

“Thank you.”

“It looked like you needed a rescue.”

Lena opened a timid smile and took a sip of her wine. Oh, if only the wine solved all her problems. “New wine?” Alex nodded and waited. “Woddy-“ Lena swirled it around the glass and smelled it before taking another sip. “Dry. Is that vanilla?”

Alex nodded. “According to the box yes. I still don’t know how you do it. Mom and J’onn brought it from Chile. I thought you’d like it. I put a few bottled in the Winehouse just in case.”

  
The divorce thing was harder than they had anticipated. Not the legal part. Everything else was. Like being friends. Like the fact that not all touches were allowed between them. Gone was the brush of Alex’s fingers on hers as Alex handed Lena a glass of wine. Gone was the reassuring kiss on the cheek whenever Lena felt tired of playing a soccer mom. Gone were all kisses. (Lena had been tempted to add a paragraph to their divorce contract so the kisses could stay.)

The hardest consequence was Chloe. It pained Lena to see those watery eyes whenever Alex would leave – and every time Lena had to bite her tongue not to ask Alex to stay. Just like her mothers, Chloe was adapting. She was seeing a psychiatrist twice a week and it helped. And Alex and Lena managed as they could – like Lena going to Alex’s at two in the morning because Chloe had a nightmare, or Alex answering the phone in the middle of a late shift at the DEO to tell Chloe a story so she could sleep.

Sometimes Lena wondered if they didn’t make a mistake after all.

“Oh, where are J’onn and Eliza? I haven’t seen them yet.”

“We just arrived. I think Kara stole Eliza away, and I lost track of J’onn.”

“Did they have fun?”

“Yeah, they loved it.”

“Mama! Come play with us!” Chloe demanded. She tended to forget ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ when she was too excited. They were still working on that. “We need a bad guy!” Lena laughed. Of course, they were playing super-heroes. No one loved it more than Chloe – though Kara was a close second.

“Hey! Who are you calling a bad guy?” Alex joked and ran after the kids. Several high-pitched screams followed.

Lena went back to sipping her wine watching Alex grabbing one by one until one of them manage to organize everybody to jump on Alex. It wasn’t an unusual sight for Lena: Alex and Chloe always loved running around in whatever new game they came up with. Lena was never much for sports, but every now and then the two of them wouldn’t give her a choice.

(Alex would make up for any soreness or injuries later when Chloe was deep asleep.)

Lena felt herself being watched. Looking around she found the reason: Teddy’s mother staring at her with a knowing look.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This part is in no way necessary to understand the fic, but I felt I might share a bit of how it 'came to life'.
> 
> I never thought I would write a divorce au given my whole experience with a real divorce, but here I am. At first I started writing trying to deal with all this feelings I had and trying to understand both sides of a divorce, and Alex and Lena were just unfortunate victims because they are my favorite pairing. As soon as I started writing I noticed it was not taking the direction I originally planned: while there were issues between them, as I wrote them I couldn't help but feel they still cared for each other which doesn't make this fic any less angst (at least I hope).
> 
> This fic will have it's happy moments and it will be divided in two parts - before and after the divorce. The scenes/chapter won't be posted in chronological order. If at any point it gets confusing, let me so I can fix it. As for Chloe, their daughter, we'll see a lot of her in the next chapters and - in theory - even see her growing up. 
> 
> As I said in the summary, it's a self-indulgent fic, but I'd still loved to know what you think of it. Anyways, thank you for reading, I hope you liked it.


	2. After

May.21.2030

 

It was almost seven when Lena heard the knocks on the door, followed by the sound of it being unlocked. Lena rose from the seat, placing her book aside and walked to the entrance hall. She found Alex already closing the door with Chloe in her arms. The sight was familiar and bittersweet. It transported Lena to a better time. Lena always loved the sight of Chloe in Alex's arms.

Alex was determined to carry Chloe as long as she could - even if the price was her backs.

Lena gave Alex a neutral smile as soon as her ex-wife saw her: not too welcoming, not serious to avoid pushing Alex away. Alex caught her eyes and gave her a matching smile. They were getting better at interacting with each other. Lena leaned against the wall.

“Hey,” Lena said.

“Hey,” Alex whispered back. Chloe had her hands gripping Alex's shirt, but she showed no sign of waking up. “We caught some traffic on the way, and Chlo fell asleep on the backseat. Is it okay if I carry her to bed?”

Lena nodded, although the request feels like a bullet straight through the heart. She hid her shock. Maybe they weren't getting better at interacting with each other. There were many blurred lines between them. At least they were civil to each other, and maybe they were too civil to each other. Most of the time, they interacted like strangers and while it felt like the best way to approach everything at first, now it felt forced. Now it felt wrong. The fact that Alex felt like she had to ask permission to take their daughter to bed hurt more than Lena ever expected it to.

Lena followed Alex up the stairs. She waits by the door as Alex laid Chloe down, and it was beyond her power to contain the smile that formed on her lips this time. Alex struggled to get out of Chloe's hold. She put Chloe’s Beebo on her arms to replace the hold her daughter had no Alex’s neck. Lena heard Alex whisper her goodnight before kissing Chloe’s forehead.

Alex joined her by the door, and both of them stand there as they used to do before. Even that feels harder. Just being near Alex.

“She took a bath Kara’s,” Alex said as if she was just remembering it. “So you don’t have to worry about that.”

Lena noticed the bitterness in Alex’s tone. Lena nodded containing the anger rising in her chest. She wanted to say that she never worried about Chloe when Chloe’s with Alex. The only person Alex failed in taking care of was her herself.

“She must have been really tired to fall asleep like that,” Lena commented. Chloe was an energetic kid, which was a blessing and a curse.

“We went to the aquarium. I’ve been promising to take her there for too long. And she might have convinced me to buy a fish. Well… Two. She said they would get lonely if we got only one.” Lena smiled. At least that’s better than a dog that Chloe almost convinced them into buying last birthday. “She named it ‘Bubbles’ and 'Fish'.”

Creativity was not her forte.

“I’m glad you two had fun.” It sounded mechanic. It sounded poisonous, but Lena hadn’t intended it too. She was just trying to keep a safe distance from Alex in an emotional sense, and she was coming out as cold and not at all as she wanted.

Awkwardness settles between them. Alex tucked her hand into her pocket, inhaling deeply. Lena looked at her waiting, but Alex seemed to give up whatever she wanted to say.

“I should get going. Here are your keys, before I forget.” Alex took the jingling keys out of her pocket holding them up to Lena. They weren’t Lena’s keys – they were Alex’s. Alex’s keys to the house. Not for the first time, doubt settled on Lena's guts.

They had chosen the house together. They made a home out of it together. To accept those keys made Lena feel like it all meant nothing.

“Keep them. You know, just in case.” Lena shrugs.

Alex hesitated before putting it back on her pocket.

They climbed down the stairs in silence. Alex opened the door to leave with Lena right behind her. Alex was outside when she turned to Lena again.

“Thank you for letting me have her today,” Alex said. For the first time, Lena wondered if she was saying those things on purpose, or if she had any idea how they hurt.

“She’s your daughter too,” Lena said. “We talked about it.” This time Lena failed at opening a cordial smile.

After the door closed, Lena leaned against it. It had only been a month since Alex left. It was okay to still miss her. It was okay to have doubts - and just like they learned to live together, Lena knew they'd learn to live apart. She looked up the stairs. Well _, mostly apart_ , she corrected. There was still Chloe linking them.


	3. Before

October.10.2028

 

The night was falling when Alex parked in the driveway. Some of her neighbors were arriving as well. They exchanged polite nods, probably equally desiring the feeling of their respective mattress under their bones. Entering the house, her clothes felt lighter, her backs relaxed and her shoulders dropped. Alex hanged her jacket by the door. Looking around she couldn’t see Lena or Chloe anywhere.  
  
She called out for her wife and there was no answer. She wasn’t alarmed, odds were that Lena was in the middle of an important call and couldn’t answer her, or Chloe was falling asleep and she didn’t want to risk waking their daughter up.  
  
Alex stopped by the kitchen to get something to eat. Looking around she went with the easier option: a bag of nuts snack. She hadn’t eaten since lunch, and knowing her wife, Lena probably forgot about it. Alex was always thankful for the days Kara would stop by and get Lena to take a break and have lunch with her. With Alex’s chaotic work schedules, she couldn’t do that as much as she’d like. On the fridge's door, Alex stared at Chloe’s newest abstract drawing. She turned her head trying to see some pattern, but the change of perspective only made it worse.  
  
The important part was that Chloe was having fun.  
  
Up the stairs and down the hall, Alex could see only a lamp lighted Chloe’s room. On her own bedroom, Alex could see the lights on, but there was no sound around the house. She could even pick up Chloe’s breathing in the middle of the silence. She walked carefully inside her daughter’s room so she wouldn’t wake her up, and also to avoid stepping in any toys.  
  
Lena liked to say Chloe got her messiness from Alex, and her wife would strongly disagree. Unfortunately, Eliza would side with Lena with evidence of how messy Alex’s bedroom used to be before Kara arrived. She said while it was a difficult adaptation at first, having a sister helped Alex in so many ways.  
  
(They weren't getting into the kids talk again).  
  
Alex made it to the bed without major accidents – she silently thanked the fact that Chloe still didn’t own any Legos. She sat on the bed next to Chloe – they recently removed the safety bars, therefore there were several pillows on the floor in case Chloe accidentally fell off the bed. Alex heart was both pained and relieved at how much Chloe was growing.  
  
The kid turned still asleep, in her arms Beebo. Alex smiled. He was definitely her favorite tall. The one she’d reach for whenever she wanted to feel safe. Alex bent down to kiss her daughter’s head. Maybe she could come in later into work the next day and take Chloe to school. With her daughter growing up as fast as she was growing up, Alex liked to spend as much time as she could with Chloe.  
  
Alex left the room as carefully as she entered it. She followed straight to her bedroom. The room itself was empty. There suit on the bed, not an ordinary suit, but one of those that cost as much as her car. Alex looked at it trying to solve the puzzle. It wasn’t their anniversary – usually, Lena was the one to forget that -, Valentine’s day was two weeks before and they hadn’t gone out because Chloe was sick. Oh. Suddenly it clicked in her head. The event.  
  
“You’re late,” Lena’s voice came from the bathroom.  
  
Alex swallowed the nut she was chewing and walked to the bathroom. She leaned against the doorframe watching her wife.  
  
Lena was barefoot wearing a dark-green dress. Alex couldn’t remember seeing it before. It wasn’t fully closed, and Alex admired for a moment the constellation on Lena’s back had. Looking at the mirror, Alex saw Lena’s eyes never left her own image as she applied her eyeliner. Her hair was tied in a high neat bun.  
  
Alex wondered if she told Lena how beautiful she was enough times lately.  
  
“Could bring me some wine?”  
  
Alex nodded, but she wasn’t sure Lena saw it, concentrated in applying her make up. It took a lot of effort from Alex to avert from the sight.  
  
She left the nuts by the kitchen sink.  
  
Down the wine house, she might have wasted five minutes going through bottle labels trying to find the right wine because there always was a right wine - although there was no such a thing as wrong wine. She got a couple of glasses from the kitchen. She stopped by their record player. Placing the bottle and the glass next to it, she took a look by their collections – it was more hers than Lena. In a nostalgic mood, Alex selected one of her father’s old blues' discos.  
  
She adjusted the needle and then the sound so it was loud enough she could hear it from the bedroom, and at the same time it didn’t wake up Chloe – her daughter was a heavy sleeper, just like her.  
  
Alex continued her way to the bedroom.  
  
Looking at the bathroom, Lena was finishing up her make up. Alex poured the wine and took one glass to Lena, leaving it next to the sink. This time Lena’s eyes caught her through the mirror and knowing what she wanted, Alex moved closed behind her to close up the dress.  
  
She did not resist touching her wife’s skin. It was soft under her fingers. It was almost a shame to cover it with the dress, but as Alex slowly pulled up the zipper, she took satisfaction knowing that at least she got to see it. She to see so many things Lena didn’t show anybody else.  
  
After six years of marriage, Alex had been warned about the ‘magic’ disappearing – about the “honeymoon” ending. She wouldn’t deny it. There was no longer that nervousness when they went out on a date, nor she felt compelled to kiss Lena whenever she would twist her nose because it was too damn cute. So, yeah, those things changed. Alex still remembered what it was like to come home a bit after they moved in. It was like living in a completely different reality with Lena, where the outside world didn’t exist.  
  
Things had changed. That was a fact, but Alex didn’t understand the negativity of it. Sure, the mystery was gone. The aggressive love making too. But they found new intimacies.  
  
Like watching Lena getting ready. The way she’d tie her hair in a high bun so it wouldn’t get in the way. The ways Lena would carefully apply her lipstick and hide the signs of any sleepless night. Alex didn’t have it before and now it was a privilege only she had.  
  
Alex left a kiss on the skin of Lena’s shoulder once she was done. Lena smiled at her through the mirror sipping her wine. Alex circled Lena’s waist with her arms.  
  
“Alex,” Lena warned. She loved hearing her name from those lips. The things Lena could make her do only saying her name.  
  
Lena turned in Alex's arms until she was facing her wife and leaning back against the sink. Alex’s hands remained on Lena’s waist. Her wife’s body language gives Alex’s the sign to lean in. Lena’s lips hold some trace of the wine.  
  
“We could stay in,” Alex whispered against her lips.  
  
Lena smiled at her – that was a no – and placed her hands on Alex’s chest pushing her away. “It’s cute you are still afraid of my mother. Now go get changed.”  
  
It wasn’t fear, Alex mumbled under her breath. It was a mutual dislike. From being alone in a room with Lillian for five minutes, Alex was able to understand where most of Lena’s childhood trauma came from. Thankfully there would be enough people in this event so that Alex wouldn’t be alone with Lillian, – but Lillian managed to ruin the mood, either way, even not being there already.  
  
Alex struggled with her tie. Lena stepped in front of her to help. She concentrated on Alex’s tie while her wife concentrated on watching her. Once the tie was done – it was a really good tie – she stared at it for a second before ripping it off Alex’s neck. Alex shot an inquisitive look, Lena only walked away with a kiss.  
  
Alex looked at the mirror.  
  
Yeah, Lena was right. The outfit looked better without it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by [this](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PR7USljBVWE)


	4. Before

June.10.2029

 

Alex took her pillow to the guest bedroom. Lena was getting changed with her backs turned to the door when Alex left. There was no ‘good night’ exchanged and maybe that was for the best. Lately, all their talks ended up in fighting. It was a good thing Kara had Chloe for the night because it was bad. The worse fight they had in a long time.

Alex could still feel the rage pumping in her veins. She needed to calm down. She made her way downstairs and to her liquor cabinet. It had gone untouched for some time. It was saved for visitations only – on most nights, Alex was more than satisfied at drinking a glass of wine with her wife. That night wine wouldn’t do.

She didn’t take a second to pick the Bourbon. It always had been her favorite – it made the worse moments disappear. Her dad. Maggie. And lately, these fights. Two fingers. She didn’t bother with the ice. She sipped it, the alcohol burned down her throat. She took a longer one next and on the third, she just downed it all. She wasn’t trying to appreciate the drink.

A crack in the wood made her turn to the stairs. Lena was standing on the foot of the stairs wearing her nightgown, her hair down and eye silently judging Alex. They held each others' eyes for a moment. Alex was all too familiar with the disappointment in them. Lately, nothing Alex did seemed to be enough for the CEO.

Maybe they weren’t good to each other.

The first time that thought occurred to her was a few weeks back when Chloe caught them fighting. It was the first time it happened, and Alex still hadn’t forgiven herself. She hoped it was also the last time it happened.

Their current arrangement wasn’t the best either. Whenever they realized they were about to explode they’d drop Chloe at Kara’s or at J’onn’s, and they would get home and fight. This time they didn’t even wait to get home. They started in the car because Alex had hit the car earlier that day and Lena told her she should’ve been more careful, to which Alex answered that she wasn’t reckless. She was offended by such an accusation.

It escalated from there.

Lately, there were too many fights. Some Alex could admit were due to stupid reasons like putting the trash out, others touched more sensitive matters, but regardless of the nature of the fight, it felt like a knife cutting into the same wound over and over again to a point Alex wasn’t sure if it would ever heal.

Alex was the one to break their staring competition because she knew Lena wouldn’t. No, Lena could never lose and she could never be wrong, her mind mocked, and she had to use all her self control not pour another two fingers of alcohol to drown that thought. Lately, she had needed to drown too many thoughts.

Lena made her way to the kitchen, ignoring Alex’s presence. Alex wiped the remaining bourbon off her lips with her sleeve. What were they doing to each other? She could feel her throat closing up in a familiar ache. She made her way to the guest bedroom before the tears could escape, or Lena could see them.

She laid on the bed, but the comfort of it just made her more restless. The adrenalin from the fight had worn off, and it just made her more tired, which was why the lack of sleep frustrating. She turned and reached for the phone. Kara answered on the first ring.

“Hey. How’s Chloe?”

“She’s sleeping,” Kara answered softly.

“That’s good. The last thing I need is Lena blaming me for fucking up Chloe’s sleep schedule.”

“You can’t keep doing this, Alex.” She knew that. She knew. But hearing Kara say that made the fact impossible to ignore. And she could no longer keep the tears at bay. The first tear fell silently as she and Kara shared a silence. “What’s happening with the two of you?”

“I don’t know.”

“Maybe you two should figure out what do you want. This is not doing Chloe any good. Even if she doesn’t understand what is happening, she can feel that something is wrong.”

Alex sobbed, covering her mind to muffle the sound – she wasn’t sure if for Kara or for Lena. She felt broken. She felt lost. And she knows what is like living in a broken home – not in the same situation as Chloe, but a broken home nevertheless. She hated to put Chloe through that situation, but she wasn’t sure if there was anything she could.

Maybe they were broken beyond fixing.

Alex didn’t remember hanging up the phone or falling asleep. She remembered her last thought. She remembered promising herself she’d apologize to Lena in the morning, whether she was right or not.

(The morning came, but Lena had left for work already. Alex didn’t remember to do it later.)


	5. After

February.15.2030

 

Her bags were already on the car – they thought it would be better if Chloe didn’t see them. She had managed not to cry until that moment (and how hard it had been), but the idea of being away from Chloe (leaving Chloe) broke her. Lena watched from the door. The psychiatrist said she should be there. She said that it would be best if Chloe understood that was something they both wanted. Alex wondered what Lena was thinking and what she was feeling. The fact that she was unable to read her own wife anymore was the reason why they were in that situation after all.  
  
“Hey baby-“ Alex started kneeling in front of Chloe. “We need to talk to you. It’s nothing to worry about, but some things are going to change. Mama is- Mama is moving away.”  
  
Chloe frowned.  
  
“Like on a vacation?”  
  
“No, honey. Mama is going to live somewhere else. Not here in the house, but somewhere close.”  
  
“Why?”  
  
“Because it’s the best for all of us.”  
  
“I don’t want you to go,” Chloe said her lower lip trembling. They could hear her tears in her voice.  
  
“I’m not going anywhere. I’m just going to be sleeping somewhere else, okay? Like a sleepover.”  
  
“So you coming back?” Chloe pulls away hopefully.  
  
“No, honey. I’ll come back, but not like that.”  
  
“Why? We’re going to miss you.”  
  
For the first time on that day, Alex dared to look at Lena. Her intention was not to guilt her, but it was a plea for help – maybe to know if that statement actually applied to both of them. Alex didn’t know what to say. Sometimes she hated that these things didn’t come with a manual telling her what to say and what to do.  
  
Alex wipes Chloe’s tears.  
  
“You won’t. I’m going to be here all the time.”  
  
It was a lie. Or better, it was two half lies, which made a whole truth. Chloe would probably miss her – Alex selfishly hoped that she would -, but only in the beginning. Then she’d get used to it. You get used to missing people, to the point they become only a memory of something that used to be good. And Alex would really be there all the time – all the time they allowed her to.  
  
Chloe’s tears wouldn’t stop.  
  
“How about this: tomorrow I pick you up from school and we’ll go get ice cream with aunt Kara and Krypto. What do you think?” Alex sketched a smile, which only lasted until Chloe threw her arms around Alex’s neck.  
  
Alex held her daughter, trying not to hug too tight because it hurt. It hurt more than any of the bullets she had taken during her career. It would hurt more to drive away.  
  
“I love you, don’t you ever forget that.” Alex kissed the top of Chloe’s head.


	6. Before

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for the comments and kudos! Given how I hardly expected anyone to read it, I'm very thankful for it it!  
> Sorry for the delay with these chapters. Hope you all enjoy it!
> 
> A special thanks to [VividDayDreamer](https://archiveofourown.org/users/VividDayDreamer/pseuds/VividDayDreamer) and her fic [To Be Loved ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/18493402/chapters/43822288) for inpiring this chapter!

November.19.2023

 

Lena watched her mother holding Chloe. She was sure it was Lillian’s first time holding a baby – Lex was probably thrown into a nanny's arms as soon as he was out of her womb. Lillian was uncomfortable holding the baby what could be easily seen in the way she was rocking Chloe. The baby would end up throwing up, but it would serve Lillian right: she did ask for the whole grandmother experience. Lena smiled as she remembered it had been a while since they last changed Chloe’s diaper. Lillian saw it and put on her best fake smile (after all she only had two kinds of a smile: fake or evil), and went back to rocking Chloe faster.

Lena leaned back hearing her wife approaching from behind. Her backs rested against Alex front. One of Alex’s hand rested on her hip, while the other held the glass of wine they had been sharing during lunch. One that had recently been refilled. Alex’s thumb brushed circles on her hip over the shirt.

Life was good – Lena decided to appreciate Alex’s closeness.

“Don’t you think you’ve tortured her enough?” Alex asked.

“My mother deserves worse than this.”

“I know. I was talking about Chloe.” Lena chuckled feeling Alex’s smile as she kissed Lena’s neck. Lillian turned further away from the scene. Seeing her mother’s discomfort Lena almost pulled Alex into a real and deep kiss, but the comfort of Alex’s hold kept her still.

She took the glass of wine from Alex’s hand and took a sip from it with her eyes on Lillian. Lena wanted to make Lillian pay for all the abuse – mental and emotional – that she caused Lena, but revenge wasn’t healing and most of all it sounded exactly like something Lillian would do. That was Lena’s biggest fear: to become just like her mother. Revenge also wasn’t the reason why Lillian was there: she wanted to make amends, she wanted to be part of her daughter and granddaughter’s lives.

Lena didn’t believe her, and it took her months before she replied to any of Lillian’s attempt of reaching her. Alex was the one who proposed making amends. Not for Lillian, but for herself. For Chloe. And she didn’t need to forgive Lillian – it didn’t feel physically possible -, but Lena couldn’t offer peace holding a whip.

If she did, it wouldn’t make her any better than Lillian.

“Go get your daughter,” Lena said.

Just like that, Alex let go of her to go get Chloe (Lena was getting used to the fact that she was no longer the only girl Alex had her eyes for). Lena wasn’t sure who was more relieved: Chloe who automatically reached out for her mama, or Lillian who practically threw Chloe into Alex's arms.

Lena’s smile faded as her wife disappeared upstairs. She turned to Lillian who was wiping the palm of her hands on her pants. Any pleasantries were gone from her face as they held each other’s gaze in what felt like a competition that none of them was willing to lose. They were aware that the only reason they managed to have a semi-civil lunch together was because of Alex.

“What made you change your mind?” Lillian asked. Lena translated: what did Lena gain with this.

“You can thank Alex for that. She has a big heart.”

“The heart is a feeble muscle. We Luthor are women of brain. Chloe will be too.” Lena chuckled. That was the most Lillian thing she could’ve said. At least this way Lena didn’t get her hopes up about her mother. “This has been-“ Lillian stopped picking up her purse and looking for a word. “Interesting. I’ll see you again in a few months.”

Lena smiled but shook her head. “No, you won’t.” That got Lillian’s attention. “Two weeks. You come for dinner. If you don’t, this will be the last time you’ll see Chloe. If you want another chance, if you want to get to know your granddaughter, then you’ll have to be here. Not once a year, not when you feel like it.”

Lillian stood in front of Lena for a moment, the corner of her lip rising just a bit.

Lena moved to the door opening it for her mother. Lillian followed stopping before she was fully out. The faint smile remained.

More wrinkles were taking over Lillian’s face – less than there should be for her age. Lena already had a handful of those, along with marks left by the pregnancy, and Alex would easily kiss her worries away. Lena couldn’t wait for Alex to kiss that whole day away. She needed another glass of wine. And a hot bath. And her wife’s arms around her. As well behaved as Lillian was, the simple presence of the woman drained her.

“I guess I'll be seeing you in two weeks. Tell Alex I said goodbye. You might hate me, but I taught you well after all."

Lillian expanded her smirk into a full evil smile before walking to her car where her driver had been waiting all along. Lena lingered on the doorstep, at first to make sure that her mother was really gone. She started to digest her mother's words. They felt true.

The idea of trusting in Lillian terrified her. It would only bring her pain. It would only bring Chloe pain, and she refused to let Chloe get hurt.

She didn’t notice how long she was there when she felt Alex’s hand on her shoulder. Lena shook herself out of her head and closed the door. Alex’s eyes were attentive. Lena’s eyes drifted to Chloe’s room.

“She fell asleep as soon as I put her in the crib. How are you feeling?” The ‘fine’ almost slipped from her tongue before she could stop it. It’s what her mother would say, wasn’t it? Block out her feelings. Keep it to herself.

“Are you sure this is a good idea? Lillian- She's never up to any good.”

Alex frowned. She stepped closer putting her arms around Lena. “If you don't want her around, then we'll tell her that."

“It's not that, it's just- What if she hurts Chloe?”

“Then I'll kick her ass so hard she'll end up in China.” That made Lena crack a smile matching Alex's. It felt like home. It felt like trust. “We can't protect Chloe from everything and everyone, but we can do our best." Lena gave into her wife's embrace.


	7. Before

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A special thanks to [LesbianKJ](https://archiveofourown.org/users/LesbianKJ/pseuds/LesbianKJ) for helping me with this chapter!

 October.29.2027

 

Lena woke up to noises. At first small noises, that made her linger between consciousness and sleep: voices muffled by the walls. Then a bigger one – the one that actually woke her up. She couldn’t make it out exactly what it was – it didn’t sound like something breaking, only falling. Her first instinct was to jump out of the bed, but she stopped due to the sound of little feet running up the steps.  
  
“Careful not to wake her!” Alex’s voice made into the bedroom muffled. Lena raised her eyebrows as Chloe shouted ‘okay’ back. She was quick to lay back down and pretend to be sleeping when Chloe opened the door.  
  
“She’s still sleeping,” Chloe shouted back. Lena was glad for the pillow because she was not able to stop her chuckle. Alex shouted something back, and Chloe rushed downstairs giggling.  
  
Peeking with one eye to make sure she was really gone, Lena stretched out and reached for her phone. It was too early to be up on a Sunday morning, which only made her more curious about what her girls were up to. She went through some e-mails to give them some more time until she heard the voices coming up the stairs again.  
  
Lena threw her phone on the other side of the bed and covered her head with the covers.  
  
“Open the door slowly,” she heard Alex whispering.  
  
Surprisingly the door wasn’t slammed open like before. Chloe was learning. And talking about Chloe, their tiny trouble was climbing on the bed next to her. Lena resisted her urge to grab Chloe in her arms and squish her. The bed then tilted to her other side. Lena assumed it was Alex.  
  
For the longest moment, nothing happened and Lena waited. A hand lightly shook her “awake”.  
  
“Hey, baby, it’s time to wake up,” Alex said.  
  
“Wake up, mommy!” Chloe shook the bed in excitement.  
  
Lena stirred pretending to wake up. She rubbed her eyes and yawned to add a touch of drama. “Hey,” she stretched out. “Good morning, lovelies. What’s going on here.”  
  
“We made your birthday breakfast! Happy birthday, mommy!” Chloe said leaping onto her neck.  
  
With that cue, Alex got the tray she had left on their bedside table and put it on the bed over Lena. Lena was careful to adjust herself to a more upright position and keep their food intact, which was hard with Chloe bouncing next to her. She looked at the tray. There more things than she would be able to eat: there were three toasts, a pancake pile, a bow generous bow of fruit salad.  There were some syrup, honey and a glass of orange juice there as well. It was a Kara-sized breakfast.  
  
Although Chloe might have spoiled the surprise, Lena was still impressed to such a point their daughter wouldn’t be able to tell the difference.  
  
“Hey, Rocky,” Alex called their daughter. “Why don’t you go get her present?”  
  
“There’s more?”  
  
Alex hummed in affirmation. “We like to spoil you.” Chloe then jumped out of the bed. Her mothers automatically reached for the trail managing to keep everything safe. They chuckled together. “You totally knew about this, didn’t you?”  
  
Lena opened her mouth, but before she could deny it Alex cursed under her breath. Of course, her wife would know.  Lena reached for Alex’s faces, brushing her thumb on her wife’s cheek so she’d look at her. With Alex’s attention on her, Lena pulled her closer into a kiss. Once their lips were pressed together, Lena could feel the tension leaving her wife.  
  
The kiss grew longer and wetter than their usual ‘good morning’ kiss, but it was her birthday after all. What better reason to kiss her wife like that?  
  
The kiss dimmed on its own. Lena smiled once they parted. “Chloe is not subtle. Still – surprise or not -, I loved this. Thank you.” Lena pulled Alex by the shirt into another kiss. This one lasted much less than the previous one as they broke it at the sound of things falling.  
  
“Found it!” Chloe shouted from another room before they could begin to worry.  
  
They let out a relieved breath together. “This is Karma for all the time I’ve complained about Kara,” Alex said.  
  
This time, Lena was only fast enough to lift the glass of juice before Chloe jumped on the bed in such an ungraceful way, Lena could only hope her present was not breakable. The rest of the trail content wasn’t so lucky. One of the toasts ended up on Alex’s lap, a couple of fruits were now lost among the covers and the pancakes were now all over the trail.  
  
“Okay,” Alex said lifting the breakfast trail and putting it back on their bedside table before Chloe could do any lasting damage on their bed. Lena took the opportunity to pull their giggling daughter into her lap.  
  
“Is that for me?” Lena pointed at the box.  
  
Chloe nodded. “I had the idea and I picked it!”  
  
Lena raised her eyebrows and smiled. “Wow.”  
  
“Hey! Don’t I get some credit for it?” Alex protested.  
  
“Mama paid for it.”  
  
“So it seems I’ve been reduced to a bank.” Lena chuckled caressing her wife’s face. “I’ll let you know I also picked the package.”  
  
“It’s a beautiful package, honey.” Lena pulled her into a peck. “Should I open it now?” Both her girls nodded.  
  
Lena removed the lid from the box on Chloe’s lap only to find another box inside. She looked at Alex who was exchanging suspicious looks with their daughter. Opening the next box there was another. And another. And another. Fuck, her wife was such a dork.  
  
“I hate you,” Lena said with a smile.  
  
“No, you don’t.” Alex left a kiss on one of the cheeks and Lena rolled her eyes. Feeling left out, Chloe left a kiss on her other cheek. “C’ mon, it’s almost over. I promise.”  
  
Alex didn’t lie. A couple more boxes and then Lena reached the last one – or at least she hoped it was the last one. It was a jewelry box. Lena recognized the name. Alex was never the one to give her jewelry: Lena already owned so many, not to mention twice as many were lent to her during events. She wasn’t sure what to expect when she opened the box.  
  
Inside she found a gold bracelet with Chloe’s name on it.  
  
She took it out of the box to take a closer look at it.  
  
“Did you like it, mom?”  
  
Lena didn’t always celebrate her birthday. The Luthors used to throw these huge party on her birthday that it felt like anything but her birthday. After Lex was arrested she stopped celebrating. Until Kara. It started small – going to the bar – and with times and with their friends it started getting bigger and nicer. Now with Alex and Chloe, Lena was sure it couldn’t get any better.  
  
And lacking words to express how much she liked it, she pulled Chloe into a hug and squeezed as hard as she could. “I loved it, baby. Thank you, I’m never taking it off.”  
  
Lena’s eyes found her wife’s. Alex was smiling.  
  
_Thank you_ – Lena said with no sound. And Lena was thanking her for so much more than she realized.


	8. After

October.18.2030

 

 _So that happened_ – Lena thought, staring at the ceiling.

The curtains were closed, the only source of light was the one that managed to slip between the cracks of it. She wondered if the darkness could hide the shame that followed right after such lung emptying pleasure. It felt as good as she remembered. It felt better than she remembered. But then it had been a while. Why had it been a while anyway?

 _Oh, yeah_. Chloe. That’s why.

Thankfully, Chloe was in a sleepover. Her first sleepover on her friend’s house and that was why Alex was there in the first place. Lena had called her over to get her mind of Chloe. They opened a wine and started talking, and her hand brushed against Lena’s, and her touch was warm and familiar. Lena noticed them getting closer and closer, but she couldn’t bring herself to care until after she fell breathless on the bed.

It also had been a while because they were busy. And when they weren’t busy, they were tired. Or fighting. Or just not in the mood.

Lena felt an arm circling her waist, and her skin burned as if it was covered by acid. Her stomach turned. What had she done? It wasn’t wrong. There was no rule saying she couldn’t because she divorced Alex, and it felt good. The contrast between the guilt and the pleasure inside of her was maddening. She wasn’t the one for doubts. She knew herself. She knew what she wanted. Not at that moment.

At that moment she felt that if she stared into a mirror, a stranger would stare back.

The hold barely lasted half a minute until Lena deemed it unbearable. She slipped out of the arms taking the sheets to hide her body, ignoring the fact she was completely exposed minute before.

“We shouldn’t have done that,” Lena said staring at the window. Her voice flat just like she trained it to be. Just like it should have been an hour before when all that started. The body on her bed stirred. Lena didn’t resist the urge to look back, to wonder what was going on her lover’s head.

Lena met Alex’s firm gaze. And that was the only thing she could tell from it. It was firm. It was her soldier gaze. The ones that the bad guys got when she didn’t want them reading her. It was the one that saved her life so many times. And it was the only one Lena couldn’t read.

 _Is she mad?_ Lena wondered, but averted her eyes. She had to be rational. She had – just like Alex – to be firm. Being vulnerable was what made her get hurt in the first place. Being vulnerable was how they ended up tangled in the sheets. Things were complicated enough already.

Lena needed to be away from Alex. She needed to think.

“You should go.”

The silence of the night followed Lena’s words. For a moment she felt like she was in her bedroom alone and Alex was just a hallucination. The movement on the bed cut her fantasy short.

“Lena-“ Alex reached for her shoulder. Lena stood up so it was out of reach.

She heard Alex’s heavy breath followed by the sound of the springs of the bed. There was no relieve in it. Or there was, but not the relieve she was looking for. She listened as Alex gathered and put on her clothes. Lena closed her eyes and focused on her breathing so she wouldn't let the choked feeling on her throat out in the form of tears.

Minutes went by like hours, Alex was fully dressed yet she remained there. Lena turned and was surprised to see her stoic eyes gone. To stay cold towards Alex became harder than before. She knew this Alex - the one with soft eyes – she was the one that she married. And maybe that’s why it was so easy to fall into bed with her once again – because this was the Alex she fell for.

“I’m sorry-“ Alex started. “I’m sorry if I did something you didn’t want to. I- I fuck up everything I touch. I’m sorry. I just thought- I’m going, but if it means anything, I don’t think what we did here was wrong.”

Alex waited and when no reaction came from her ex-wife, she turned to leave.

“Alex-“ Lena was still staring at the closed window; her eyes lower this time and her grip on the sheets lightened. “Maybe we should keep some distance from now on.”

It felt like asking for a divorce all over again. She shouldn’t have to this every time.

She never saw Alex reaction, she came to herself when she heard the front door closing and Alex’s bike starting. For a faint moment, she worried if Alex was sober enough to drive, on the following moment Lena realized it wasn’t something she should worry about anymore. They were no longer married, and if it didn’t involve Chloe, Lena had no business in it. (Her conscience was only relieved when she remembered how they were just on their second glass of wine before it all happened. Alex should be sober enough to drive.)

Lena looked at the sheets. She still could feel Alex’s touch on her skin. It was comforting and haunting. She needed to wash that off. She dragged her sheet to the bathroom. She turned the water on and waited for it to heat. She met her image in the mirror.

The guilt she felt reflected at her.

She let go of the sheets and got into the warm water.

She closed her eyes as the feeling of Alex’s hand was washed away once again, but she didn’t let her mind linger on her former wife. She thought of Chloe. This whole divorce thing was complicated enough already without adding sex – or feelings – into the mix. Maybe if that had happened years before they could’ve tried again, maybe she wouldn’t be kicking Alex out of bed.


	9. After

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Soon after the divorce, Chloe and Lena are adapting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, it's been too long, sorry. There were some setbacks in my plans for this fic. Nothing changes for you, but it delays things for me. Sorry again.
> 
> Also, heads up, some angst filled chapters are coming.

February.05.2031

 

Lena wasn’t sleeping when the hall’s light invaded her room through the widening gap of the door. She raised her head from the pillow to see Chloe sneaking into the room. Her daughter was holding Beebo in one hand and her blanket on the other – it was being dragged through the whole floor. Unwilling to give up either of them, Chloe struggled to climb up until her mom came to help her.

Once on the bed, Chloe took no time before cuddling against her mother. Lena herself felt comfort in holding Chloe in her arms.

“Hey baby,” Lena whispered against Chloe’s hair. “Did you have a nightmare?”

Chloe shook her head. “Couldn’t sleep.” Lena nodded - she couldn’t either. “I miss mama.”

“I know, baby. You’ll see her tomorrow, and you’ll get to spend the whole week.” Lena tried to cheer her up.

“But then I’ll miss you,” Chloe emphasized turning in Lena’s arms.

Lena took a deep breath. She had walked into that trap. Looking into Chloe’s sweet eyes, she knew she should have those answers. Weren’t all the parents supposed to?

The feeling took her years back when Chloe was still growing on her womb. She had a really bad anxiety crisis around her sixth month when her bump became more prominent. That, along with Alex setting up the nursery made it all feel more real. She had no idea how to be a mother, and she didn’t have a great example to follow. But she had Alex to show her that she could do it even when she felt that she couldn’t.

Now she had to do that all by herself again.

“We’ll figure something out,” Lena told Chloe kissing her hair. Chloe turned back in her arms.

Lena would have to talk to Alex about it.

They stayed in silence for a bit longer. Lena could tell from Chloe’s breathing that her daughter was still awake. Alex told Chloe stories when she couldn’t sleep and hummed some songs as a last resource. Lena tried to do hum some songs as well the first times Chloe climbed into her bed after Alex left the house. It was odd and inefficient so she stopped.

She had no idea how to help Chloe sleep. She’d have to learn now.

“Do you want some hot cocoa?” Lena asked when the idea came to mind.

Chloe nodded.

They both stood up. Chloe took Beebo with her. Lena put her on the kitchen chair while she heated the milk on the stove – the last time she tried to do that on the microwave she did a complete mess out of it. She turned to Chloe while leaning against the counter.

“Why don’t you love mama anymore?” Chloe’s question caught Lena blindsided.

“Why wouldn’t I love your mother anymore?” Lena frowned.

Chloe hugged her Beebo and shrugged (Lena knew it was a bad habit, but she found it adorable because Chloe had gotten it from Alex).

“Jaime said that parents get a divorce when they don’t love each other anymore.”

Lena just looked at Chloe for a moment. Lena wanted to tell her daughter the truth, but she couldn’t afford to confuse her or give her false hope. It’s easy to jump from A to Z when you’re seven. It’s hard enough not to jump from W to Z when you’re an adult. And though Lena wished things were simpler, those times seem to be long gone.

Lena stood close to her Chloe running her fingers through Chloe’s hair.

“What Jaime said it’s true in some cases, but not with us. I still love your mom and care for her deeply. But as a friend.”

Chloe didn’t have a chance to answer as the milk boiling all over the stove interrupted the moment. Lena couldn’t help but let a few curses out, – she didn’t understand how she worked to impeccably in the lab, and yet in the kitchen, she was almost as disastrous as the Danvers sisters.

She put the remaining milk in the cup and completed it with cold milk, before adding the chocolate and putting it in front of Chloe. Lena tried to repair the worse part of the damage, but she’d still have to properly clean it in the morning; she felt too tired to do it now.

Lena turned back to Chloe to find her daughter yawning and half of the glass of milk empty.

At least she had one win.


	10. After

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chloe's doctor call her parents over to talk.

March.18.2031

 

Lena and Alex sat side by side, yet they couldn’t feel further apart. Alex had her arms crossed over her chest, and Lena her hands crossed across her lap. Chloe’s doctor sat in front of them. Her psychiatrist. This week she had asked for them both to be there; meanwhile, Chloe was at Alex’s apartment, doing God knows what with her grandma Eliza.

Lena stole quick glances at Alex.

It was the first time they were in the same room without Chloe since Chloe’s first sleepover. Since that fateful event. They hadn’t talked much either. Only the minimum. Only the necessary. Not like they used to. They didn’t call each other to tell silly things or to tell less meaningful things - like Chloe’s first reaction to tasting pepper (after much insistence).

Lena didn’t reach out either. After what happened, she wasn’t sure how to act.

“How are you?” Doctor Adler asked in a soothing voice. It was weird compared to the everyday tones Lena was used to. The quick ‘how are you’s just to introduce the real subject of the talk.

Alex and Lena had mild reactions. Lena watched Alex’s closely but made no conclusions. She wondered if the doctor did – it was her job after all. Lena looked at Adler. Adler just opened her notebook with a small nod.

“I called you here today, but not to talk about Chloe. Chloe is an amazing kid, and she’s doing really well. My issue is with you because these last-“ she looked down at her notebook. “...four weeks, Chloe been coming in less energetic. One week or two would be normal, but digging deeper I realized it was at the same time that she mentioned that the two of you were acting weird, as she put it.” Adler closed the notebook and turned to them again. “Did something happened around that time that might have given Chloe that impression?”

Lena frowned for a moment making sure her memory was right. Yeah, it fit.

She looked at Alex for confirmation and met her ex-wife’s guilty eyes.

“You don’t need to tell me if you don’t feel comfortable. The fact is that it somehow it affected Chloe and it’s not doing her any good.”

Lena felt her chest tighten. This wasn’t supposed to happen. “Something did happen, and we’ve may have been a bit distant these last weeks," Lena said. "I didn’t know it was affecting Chloe.”

“Kids often know more than we realize.”

“What can we do?” Alex asked. The vulnerability in her voice made it hoarse and turned Lena’s eyes back Alex.

“Most of the problems I see every day can be solved in a simple way: by talking. And your issue is no different. Communicate more with each other. I’m not saying that it will automatically solve everything, but it will help. And it will help Chloe, which is the focus of this.”

They both nod. Doctor Adler talks with them for a few more minutes, just the overall analysis of Chloe. Good things and neutral things. They listened through it all with small comments. Lena’s mind kept coming back to their initial topic.

She knew that sleeping with Alex was a bad decision, she just didn’t realize how bad it actually was.

Once Doctor Adler finished going through everything with them, they both shook her hand and confirmed Chloe’s next appointment. They entered the elevator in silence. The air felt heavy.

More than ever, Lena knew she couldn’t let things just be, but she wasn’t the one who broke the silence.

Alex cleared her throat. “I was thinking about what the doctor said; maybe we should go out for a coffee to talk one of these days.”

Lena nodded. Alex still kept her eyes low and away from Lena. “That sounds good.” The elevator opened again, and Alex made a sign for Lena to exit it first. “I have tomorrow free after lunch. Or maybe we could go now if Eliza doesn’t mind looking after Chloe for another hour.”

Alex opened a smile. “My mother almost kicked me out of the apartment so she and Chloe could have some grandma and granddaughter time.” Lena chuckled at that. “Noonan’s or do you want to go somewhere else?”

“Noonan’s sounds good. I’ve been dying for one of their donuts. Kara brought a box over to L-Corp this week, but they were all gone before I could grab one.”

“Do you want a ride? I came in the car.” Alex showed her the keys.

At that moment Lena remembered why they were distant. Because of how easy it could be to just be with Alex. She knew too well how to conquer Lena.

That was dangerous.

The CEO had to stop herself from pulling her walls up again. They were seeing Doctor Adler exactly because of that.

Lena took a deep breath. “I’ll take that offer.”

Alex smiled. It was the first time Lena saw her smile reach her eyes since that night. She remembered how Alex smiled telling her some stupid joke that was no fun at all, but it still made Lena laugh given how stupid it was.

They walked to the car talking about daily stuff.

It felt natural, and Lena missed it during those four weeks apart.

Lena decided that maybe she shouldn’t read too much into it.

They could be friends. They should be friends. For their sake. But mostly for Chloe’s sake.


	11. Before

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There is no easy way of ripping off the bandaid.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Angst ahead. I warned you.
> 
> (Thanks again to LesbianKJ, who is always helping me out with this!)

January.27.2030

 

“I’m not in love with you anymore.” Lena’s voice trembled as the truth left her mouth. It felt like the words echoed in the room, but that was due to Alex’s silence. And to think that, moments before they were about to start another argument. “Maybe we should get a divorce.”

Alex sat down not looking at Lena. Her face turned placid staring at the ground.

“Say something,” Lena asked when the silence became too much.

“I don’t know what to say.”

But Alex knew where to look. Her eyes lowered to Lena’s hand. There was nothing there. The wedding ring was gone. She blinked a few times hoping it was an optic illusion, but as the space where Lena’s ring finger met her knuckle remained empty, Alex felt her chest constricting.

She needed to breathe.

“Uh… I forgot the milk,” Alex said shaking her head and standing up. She needed to get that out of her head. “I’ll be back in a bit.” Alex kept her gaze low avoiding Lena’s eyes. She got her keys from the center table piece. Her eyes lingered on her keys before drifting to her own ring.

Alex waited for Lena to ask her to stay, to give her an excuse for the missing ring. Silence accompanied her to the car. She turned her keys, but she didn’t drive away at first. The world looked out of focus.

Her eyes once again fell to her finger. The ring was taunting her. Ignoring the strangling feeling on her throat, she pulled the ring off. It felt wrong. It felt like something was missing, and the tan mark on her left finger was the visual proof of that.

 _Say something…_ What was she supposed to say? _No?_ That’s she wanted to say. She didn’t want a divorce, but just as a marriage, that wasn’t a unilateral decision. Alex felt floorless. She needed to think. She needed someone to help her think.

But Kara had Chloe for the night, so she was a no go. Alex gripped the steering wheel. She had to go somewhere. She turned the keys and started driving paying attention to the stop signs and the roads.

That was not a path she usually took, but needing to pay attention to the road was a relieve – it took her mind out of things. She stopped in front of the familiar house. The lights inside were on, and Alex felt better about interrupting their night.

Michael opened the door. Seeing Alex, he turned back inside. “Honey, it’s for you. Come in, Alex.”

Haley stood up from the dinner table. Alex looked at her hoping somehow she’d know everything that was going on through her mind. Haley couldn’t read minds, but she worked with Alex long enough to know it was bad.

“Michael, why don’t you and the kids go pick something to watch? Alex and I will take care of the dishes,” Haley said. Michael agreed and the kids flew at the prospect of not washing the dishes.

Alex started taking out the plates and taking them to the kitchen. Haley stayed behind for a bit, talking to Micheal. Alex tried to focus on her actions, and not on the conversation. She didn't need a perfect functional marriage being rubbed on her face at that moment.

“What happened?” Haley asked, entering the kitchen.

“Lena and I had another fight.” Alex looked down at her hand. Ring-less. Why did she take the ring off again? “I think she might have asked for a divorce.”

“You think? What happened?”

“I told. We were fighting and then she told me that maybe we should have a divorce.” Alex felt her eyes tearing up. She shook her head.

“What were you fighting about?”

“I don’t know. Something stupid. I forgot to tell her I couldn’t pick up Chloe.”

“Do you want a divorce?”

“No! I love her. She’s my wife. But it’s not just about what I want.”

Haley agreed. “Then talk to her.”

“Every time we talk we end up fighting. Maybe…” Alex stopped herself. She wondered if Lena was thinking the same thing when she asked for a divorce. This whole fighting thing was getting tiring. When it wasn’t Lena to start it, it was Alex. “Maybe we are too broken to work. I don’t know what to do.”

“I can’t tell you what to do.” Haley crossed her arms watching Alex doing the dishes. “I can tell there’s no right answer. You have to do what lets you sleep at night.”

Alex nodded. Between staying married with Lena, making her unhappy or divorcing Lena and being unhappy, Alex knew what she’d choose. It wasn’t a good choice. It wasn’t a choice she wanted to make.

“You can stay the night if you want to,” Haley tells her.

“I think I should go back home. By the way, do you have some milk?”

As odd as the request was, it was far from the weirdest thing Alex asked her. Haley moved to the fridge and took out an unopened gallon of milk. Alex smiled thanking her while still doing the dishes.

She was working on the last few plates when Kara’s ring tone interrupted. She frowned – Kara wasn’t the one to call this late.

“Hey, is Chloe okay?” Alex asked on automatic.

“Chloe’s is good. Great even. She’s sleeping. I’m good as well since you asked.” Alex mumbled an apology, finishing wiping her hands. “Lena called. She asked me to check on you.”

Alex took a deep breath – she had managed to forget about it for the last two minutes, but Kara was just a reminder of how she couldn’t avoid it. The implications of it also caught Alex off guard. The idea of Kara needing to check up on her, as if she couldn’t take care of herself… Alex felt frustrated.

“I’m fine. I just needed to clear my head. Took long drive. I won’t be long.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

Alex shook her head. She wasn’t sure she could say that word again in such a short period of time. “I’ll text you when I get home. Give Chloe a kiss for me.”

Chloe- she’d been staying over at Kara’s too often lately. The first times it happened, she used to be super excited, now she started questioning why. What would Alex say? You have to stay at your aunt so you and your mother can fight. The fact that it was true made Alex more aware of the urgency of the situation.

Maybe Alex should have been a better wife. Maybe they wouldn’t be there. But it felt too late now. Lena wasn’t in love with her anymore. The truth felt like a needle to her heart. Among all of the uncertainties, there was one thing she was sure: she could be a better mother. But not like this. Not how she had been.

“Thank you, Haley,” Alex said picking up the milk.

“Any time you need to get your shit together, you can come over to do the dishes,” Haley said. Alex chuckled. “Let me know if you need some time off, I’ll understand.”

“I’ll let you know.”

“What did you decide?”

“I’m going to talk to Lena and if this is something she really wants, I won’t say no. But what I know is that I can’t keep fighting anymore. It’s not worth it. It’s not worth Chloe.”


	12. After

April.24.2030

 

Alex looked at the clock. Kara was late – which was not that much out of the ordinary, but not this late. Alex had been waiting for over half an hour – she already had ordered her usual, incapable of waiting any longer for her sister. It was only then that she got a text from Kara saying that Snapper had called her with a special assignment and that she couldn’t make it. She apologized, but Alex texted her back telling her not to worry.

It had been a few weeks since Alex left the house. Alex would admit, that the first day was awful, but now she was better. She even started looking at some places with Kara.

Alex wiped her mouth clean and was ready to stand up when someone took the seat across from her.

“Lillian,” Alex said surprised. It had been at least a month since she heard anything about the woman. She remembered because Chloe detailed it quite thoroughly. She was looking at Alex’s food, or what was left of it.

Her face twisted in disgust. “You should take better care of your self, these things will kill you.”

Alex chuckled. Lillian never ceased to amuse her. Lillian was very picky about food, Alex would never forget how they witnessed Lillian’s first experience with take-out food, and how she tried to use fork and knife to eat a goddamn burger (but nothing was as amusing as watching little Chloe teaching her how to eat it).

Alex knew better than to argue with her. “You could’ve just called."

“Would you have answered?” Alex shrugged. It was a fair point. “There is still time for you to go back. No papers were signed yet. You are smarter than to throw it all away. Not to mention Chloe. This will affect her greatly – she’s emotionally like a Danvers. Whatever it is that happened, you shouldn’t divorce Lena over it.”

Alex frowned. “You do know that she’s the one that asked for a divorce, right?” Lillian straightened herself. Her eyes left Alex’s figure going far away into some sort of revelation. “I love her, but I won’t make her suffer for selfish reasons.”

“Well, this was enlightening. Excuse me, I have to have a conversation with my daughter.”

“Please don’t.” Alex pleaded. Lillian stopped halfway through getting up. “I know you want to help, but there’s nothing to do. This is about Lena and I. We both decided on it, we both agreed on it – it wasn’t a rushed decision.”

Lillian never liked displays of emotion, still, Alex couldn’t help the tremble of her voice. Alex took a deep breath.

“I never meant to hurt her. This was the least I could do to try to fix that.”

Lillian expression remained unaffected, but her eyes lowered just for a moment. It was the closest thing from an emotional response Alex had ever seen regarding her.

“We tend to hurt the one we love the most,” Lillian said.

Too much was hidden under those words. Alex knew it. Lillian wasn’t the one to defend love, which was why those words were so off coming out of her mouth. She talked out of experience. For the next feel minutes, no sound left their table. The only evidence that they weren’t frozen in time was Alex picking at her food.

Lillian’s eyes followed Alex’s hand. “You eat like a child,” she complained. Alex didn’t offer a reaction, her mind far away from there.

“Did you hurt Lena by pushing her away, or did you push her away to avoid hurting her?” Alex left the rest of her food alone as she waited for an answer. She found Lillian’s aware eyes.

Lillian reached across the table for the rest of Alex’s donut. She took some small pieces of it. In other situations, Alex might be awed at that, but for a moment it was like they were suspended in their own bubble, in a reality only the two of them existed with no past or future.

“Both, I suppose. I loved Lex too closely, and it ended badly. I loved Lena from afar and, while the end result was not as disastrous, I still hurt her.” Lillian looked down with a frown. “This is horrible. I cannot understand the appeal of this.” And just like that, the bubble was broken.

Alex laughed. “Out of all the people I thought would try to save our marriage, I never expected you to be one of them,” she confessed.

“Lena could’ve picked a worse companion. After all, I lost the track of how many times my daughter told me you are the only reason she gave me another chance.”

“I think you kind of like me,” Alex teased. Lillian offered no answer, she only stood up. Alex reached for her wallet, figuring it was time to leave as well.

“There’s no need for that. I already took care of it,” Lillian said. “You and my daughter might not be married anymore, but you are still my daughter-in-law.”

Alex frowned, and Lillian turned to leave. The younger woman stayed a bit longer processing what just happened. She slid the donut closer to her again. There was so little left, it would be a waste not to eat it. Taking another bite from it, she frowned again: how could Lillian not appreciate a donut that heavenly good?

Thankfully, Chloe had gotten her food taste from Alex.


	13. After

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Let's have a break, shall we?

October.24.2031

 

Lena knocks on the door as she opened it. Chloe didn't wait for her mother to move out of the way before rushing inside Alex’s place. Lena managed to regain her balance and then closed the door.

“Mama! Mama! You won’t believe what happened today!” Chloe shouted running inside. Alex was nowhere to be seen, but her jacket was carelessly thrown over the couch. Lena frowned.

“Alex?” she called. Chloe checked the bathroom and the office while Lena stopped by Alex’s room. She knocked on it, and once there was no answer she entered trying to keep her worry at bay. She turned on the lights. “Found her!” she told her daughter.

Chloe once again ran past her and – Rao – how she loved running. Chloe jumped into her mother’s bed, and Lena heard a growl. She laughed, and her stomach turned at the familiarity of the scene.

“Mama! Guess who what happened at school?” Chloe screamed – because these days she lacked the notion of talking at a normal volume. Alex gave something like a nod, and nothing else, and that was when Lena moved from the door and to the bed. It was not like Alex to ignore their daughter.

It didn’t matter how bad her days were, or how tired she was: Alex never ignored Chloe.

Lena rested the back of her hand against Alex’s forehead.

“You’re hot.”

Alex mumbled something, and Lena could make out the _So are you_ Alex decided to steal from the 2005’s Fantastic 4. Lena rolled her eyes. Chloe looked at her wearing a frown.

“I think your mama is sick. Alex, where’s your thermometer?”

“Bathroom.” This time her voice came out clear. Alex head finally raised from the pillow and looked around. She seemed disoriented, but that didn't keep her from pulling Chloe closer to her. “Hey baby, what did you say happened at school?” Alex asked Chloe. She sounded more awake, but still groggy. Lena made her way to the bathroom. She stood there for a moment wondering where to look first. She went to the cabinet – they kept in there back home – and it was there.

Lena took her temperature while Chloe told Alex about her day.

“You have a fever,” Lena announced. Alex shook her head.

“No, I don’t.”

Lena laughed – some things never changed. “Go take a bath. I going to make you some soup and get you some medicine okay.”

“I can take care of myself.”

“I know, but I do it better.” Alex scoffed. “I just want to get your temperature down before I leave, otherwise you’d probably ignore it until you can’t anymore." Lena turned to Chloe. "Want to help me, sweetie?”

Chloe nodded and rushed out of the bed.

“Did you accidentally give her coffee again?” Alex asked, and Lena could see the smirk in her eyes. Only the knowledge that she was sick kept Lena from throwing a pillow at Alex.

“I’m not the one who gets up at five in the bloody morning to run; if anything she gets it from the Danvers side of the family.”

Lena left the room and went to the kitchen where she found Chloe already wearing her apron. It had ‘mini chef’ written in it, and it was such a Kara thing that Lena didn’t even have to ask. Chloe already had her stall in hand and was waiting for her mom by the sink.

“Okay, you’re going to have to help me with where the things are.”

“Mama keeps most things at the same place that they would be at home. The Pot is under the sink, just like at home.”

Lena squeezed her eyes. “And the toaster?” It’s been a while since Lena last saw it, and she had been wanting to eat some toast without knowing where it was.

“Mama’s in the cabinet over there, but ours back at home was burned when mama was trying to fix it.”

That was enlightening. Lena smiled without noticing. They started making the soup. She could hear the shower running in the background.

Chloe stirred the vegetables while Lena cut them – she still refused to let Chloe manage knives, and she was already giving her daughter access to the stove. After a while, Lena heard the shower being turned off. Out of reflex, she turned to see Alex leaving the bathroom. Her hair dripping, a towel covering barely enough – and Lena’s eyes drifted exactly to what wasn’t covered.

Lena bit her lip watching Alex’s butt.

No. She shook her head. She had to finish cutting the onions. And Alex shouldn’t be wearing only a towel sick as she was. Lena was just worried – or so she convinced herself.

Alex appeared again a few minutes later, now fully dressed and drying her hair with a towel.

“I was needing that. Thank you,” Alex said. Her hand brushed against Lena’s shoulder. Lena felt her cheeks burning, thankfully Alex's attention didn't remain on her any longer. Alex leaned closer to Chloe. “What are you making there, baby girl? I can’t smell anything, but it’s looking good.”

They listened as Chloe explained the soup in the most detailed ways possible. The shower’s effect seemed to be quickly passing as Alex’s growing discomfort showed. Lena decided it was time to shoo her away from the kitchen before she passed out or something.

“Just let me do something. I feel so useless doing nothing,” Alex protested.

“You are sick. You are supposed to do nothing otherwise you’ll just get worse.” Alex opened her mouth to protest. “Go to the couch. Pick a movie.” Alex pulled her puppy eyes. “Nothing with blood in it.”

“Fine, _mom_ ,” Alex gave in. Chloe chuckled next to Lena.


	14. After

December.31.2032

 

“Ten minutes to Midnight!” Kara announced running by with her arms full of fireworks and her mouth full of pie. The whole room stilled for a few seconds after Kara passed. No matter how long they knew the blonde, she still managed to leave them speechless from time to time.

Lena saw Chloe’s eye glimmering. “Don’t even think about it,” she warned her daughter. Chloe turned to her mother caught between surprised and frustrated. “Fireworks are dangerous, and you are only ten.”

Chloe closed her mouth, and her lips formed a pout that was completely Alex's. Thankfully Lena had grown immune to it given how often these Danvers women tried to use it with her. Her daughter then crossed her arms in a gesture was completely Lena’s. Letting out a long breath, Chloe gave up on trying to argue her way out of it.

Lena couldn’t help but chuckle. She wondered if it was a sign of her approaching teenage years. She’d need a lot of wine to go through that if it was half as bad as people claimed it to be.

Eliza called Chloe from the kitchen, and Chloe's eyes shined. She was having fun helping Eliza out in the kitchen during these last days. Lena was noticing it each time more: the way she’d would follow Eliza around the kitchen trying to see what she was doing, and asking how she was doing, and how Chloe seemed to be in love with food in a completely different way than Kara.

Eliza noticed it too, and a stool was arranged for Chloe.

“It looks beautiful,” Chloe said to Eliza.

“We just have to make sure it’s cooked inside as well. Do you want to check the temperature?”

Another pair of eyes were watching them as well. Alex stood next to Lena and handed her a glass of wine. A shy smile appeared on Lena’s lips. Some habits never die.

She took the wine. “Thank you.” Alex smiled back as they both went back to watching the scene. “What are the odds of Kara exploding the house?”

“It’s probably safer if we move outside.”

And so Lena followed her with a chuckle. Alex had been setting up her father's telescope outside for the last half an hour. Lena leaned against the railing watching Alex toying with the machine again. There was this childish smile on her face as she took a look through the hole.

“Want to take a look at it?” Alex asked her with that charming smirk of hers. Lena returned the smile standing up and taking the place next to Alex by the telescope.

“What am I looking at?”

Alex chuckled. “Can you see three bright stars? It’s part of the Orion Constellation.” Lena could see the three bright points but failed to any form they might have. “It’s also known as the hunter. But that’s not the part I like the most. Hang on.”

Lena stepped back to Alex could adjust it. It was just a few seconds before she moved back and Lena could see it. “That’s beautiful. What is it?”

“That’s the Orion Nebula. My father would set this up every year aimed at it. I loved it. My dad would tell all the mythical stories behind the name, and once I knew them all he’d tell me the real stories behind the constellations. It was the only way I’d stay awake through New Years.” Lena looked away from the telescope to find a view just as beautiful right beside her. Alex was looking up, a soft smile on her lips. “When we came over on Christmas to tell mom you were pregnant, I always imagined doing the same thing with Chloe, but apparently she’s more entertained with food than this.”

Lena entangles her finger with Alex’s. It brought the other woman’s attention back to Earth. She leaned against Alex’s chest in, and her ex-wife involved her arms around her in a familiar embrace. Alex’s heat was welcome in the chill of the night. She tucked Lena’s scarf higher, making sure it was covering more of her neck.

“Well, your daughter takes her obsession for food from your side of the family.” Alex chuckled again, this time Lena could feel the shake all through her body. “Besides, you can tell me all about it. If you want.”

“It’s not the same thing, but thank you.”

A firework exploded above them, making them both jump. For a brief moment, it made Alex hug her tighter, but before Kara even apologized Alex had already let Lena go. She moved away to the other side of the balcony and without her warmth, Lena was remembered how cold it was.

Chloe came running outside. “Is it time yet?” she asked looking up at Alex.

“Not yet, your aunt is just clumsy,” Alex made sure to said it loud in an attempt to make Kara hear her. Lena smiled at it all – the fireworks slowly fading in the sky and Alex holding Chloe into a hug. A perfect scene. “Are you and your grandma finished with supper?”

Chloe nodded. “We just finished making an orange reduction. It’s going to taste really good with the protein Grandma cooked.”

“Protein, huh?” Alex asked amused looking at Lena. She raised her hand in innocence, Lena’s money was on Lillian.

“It means meat. Like chicken meat or red meat.” Alex only nodded. Lena had to remember to keep her distance; otherwise, she’d be embracing the two of them by now. “Is that grandpa’s old toy?” Chloe asked approaching the telescope.

Alex choked. “First thing, it’s not a toy.”

“That’s not what grandma said.”

“Second thing, yes it was your grandpa’s. It’s a telescope.” Lena watched as Alex explained to Chloe what she was seeing. By her daughter’s expressions, she wasn’t understanding much of it, but Chloe let her mother keep speaking. “It’s almost time,” Alex announced. “Hey, mom, let’s see if Kara will manage to explode the fireworks in time this year,” Alex screamed.

“Coming!” Eliza came.

Alex stood beside Lena, leaving little space between them. Chloe stood in front of Alex, and Eliza beside her daughter. Alex looked at her clock and started counting down. Chloe and Eliza looked up waiting for the fireworks. Lena looked at Alex – and during that moment Lena felt incapable of looking anywhere else.

The fireworks came just a few seconds after Alex announced the New Year. They all exchanged hugs. Lena left Alex for last, which she came to regret. It felt longer than the other hugs. Did she linger? Did Alex? She wasn’t sure, but Alex’s familiar perfume and the way her hands embraced Lena’s waist made Lena close her eyes for a few moments.

She missed it.

The fireworks didn’t interrupt the moment this time – they almost complemented it. When they finally pulled away Alex smiled at her.

“Told you I could do it!” Kara said running inside the house in one piece. Eliza hugged her first and wishing her a happy New Year.

“You were late,” Alex said. Kara gasped. “Two seconds late.”

Lena chuckled moving to hug Kara. “Don’t listen to her. Happy New Year, Kara.”

Lena moved inside to help Chloe and Eliza set the table. Kara and Alex remained on the balcony bickering for a while longer, before falling into a long laugh.

“They never grow up,” Eliza said from behind Lena.

Lena’s eyes went to her own daughter, who was trying (and failing) to be subtle while stealing a small bite from the dessert in the fridge. She hoped they never did.

 


	15. After

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! It's been a while... sorry about that. Just the usual. Let me just reassure all of you that I'm not abandoning this fic - I'll just be really slow at updating it probably. I hope you enjoyed the fluff of the last chapters.
> 
> PS: I'm horrible at setting up a pace, so just so you know this is roughly 4~5 years after the separation.

September.26.2035

 

The wine was dry. Too dry for her liking, so she swirled it around hoping it would somehow improve its taste. She drank sips of it so the man wouldn’t be suspicious. Apart from the poor choice of wine, the date was going fairly well. He talked a bit too much, but he was funny. Not nerd jokes funny like Alex - her mind can’t help, but compare. It was normal; it wasn’t right, but it was normal. And Alex’s taste in wine matched hers.

Sam had set up the date – they were college friends who had reconnected in the last few months or so. The original plan was to go out, but Lena ended up staying late in the office and - not wanting to cancel on the man again - she called him over.

They had a nice little dinner. After, they moved to the couch with their glasses of wine. After a particularly funny story, his hand ended up a bit too close to Lena's thigh. Lena eyed his hand but formed no protest. He moved closer, and Lena started feeling nervous. That was a feeling she hadn’t experienced in a long time.

It was hard to say whether it was good or bad.

Before she could make up her mind, Lena’s phone rang with a text. She’d have ignored given the man was still speaking – he had this deep voice that was quite attractive, – but she saw it was a text from Alex.

_Chloe wants to stay at yours. Can I drive her over?_

Lena typed a quick reply frowning in confusion and worry. Only after she remembered she wasn’t alone. The man looked at her with a small frown. She was sure it could be read in her face it wasn’t good.

“I’m so sorry,” Lena started. “There’s been an emergency at work.”

His smile dimmed, yet it persisted. Lena was glad for it. “It’s okay. Sam told me how busy you are. Let me help you with these,” he said taking their half-filled glasses from the table. Lena tried to calculate how long it would take for Alex to arrive. She wasn’t taking any risks.

“Thank you,” she stopped him, taking the glasses from his hand. “But I really need to go.”

This time his smile turned forced. “Of course.” She accompanied him to the door. It could be Lena’s hurry, but it seemed like he was taking too long to leave. They said their goodbyes, and Lena once again found herself apologizing. “It’s okay. I had a great night.”

His words linger in the night with a meaning reinforced by the way he leaned into her private space. Earlier that evening she tried imagining what to do if they got to this point. At that moment she knew her answer and cleared her throat. He got the message.

He put his hand on his pockets and left without looking back. She wondered if Alex would’ve.

With her date gone, Lena started putting the photos back in place. She didn’t know him, therefore she didn’t want to involve Chloe in any way. Some photos still included Alex - which was another reason for Lena to put away the photos. She had thought of changing them, but the memories were so sweet and dear to her – it wouldn’t be the same. Also, it didn’t bother her. The problems weren’t in the past: they were in the present.

She wasn’t done putting them up when there was a knock on the door. And then another, growing impatient.

“I’m coming!” Lena said.

She opened the door to a grumpy looking Chloe. Lena didn’t get a word out before Chloe walked right past her. Lena raised her eyebrows in surprise. Alex was standing near the door. Her face wasn’t much better than Chloe’s.

“What happened?” she asked worriedly.

It was then that Alex looked at her.

Really looked at her.

And the way Alex’s eyes went over her made Lena want to cover herself. She felt exposed, and it wasn't her most revealing dress. It flattered her cleavage and Sam had told her to wear it. It was more the idea of Alex knowing about what was happening just minutes before that bothered her.

That Alex would somehow know she was moving on. At least trying to. It had been too long.

There was a shift in her stance. Alex’s eyes were on anywhere, but Lena. Maybe she sensed Lena's discomfort.

Alex shook her head. “We got into an argument. I grounded her. She didn’t take it well,” Alex said. Lena took a deep breath. “I know what the doc said, but I don’t want to keep her somewhere she doesn’t want to be.”

“I understand that.” No ‘but’ followed it. “What was the argument about?”

“She’s got another F on math. I tried talking to her, but she didn’t want to hear or ‘get better at it’, and she got snappy. I thought maybe grounding her for the weekend would help her understand that she needs to focus more on it.” Lena nodded.

“I think it’s fair. I’ll tell Chloe her grounding is still happening even here. I will try to talk to her about math.” Alex kept looking at the ground. “Is everything alright, Alex?”

“Yeah. Yeah. Everything is fine. I should probably go. Bye.”

Alex gave an awkward wave before turning her back to the house. Lena felt Alex’s name choked on her throat. She knew what her lies sounded like. Yet she did nothing. She just watched Alex drive away once again. (She did look back thought, Alex always looked back.)

She closed the door once again. She finished putting up the photos and took the wine glasses to the kitchen. She untied her hair and loosened the dress. She’d soon take it off, but there was one last urgent matter to take care of.

She knocked on Chloe’s door and a muffled sound told her she could enter. Chloe was on the bed face down on the pillow. Lena set on the edge of the bed, and let her hand rest on her daughter’s backs rubbing small circles in it. Chloe took her face off the pillow to look at her mother. There was a familiar pout in her lips.

“Hey baby,” Lena said softly. “So you and your mama fought.” Silence. “Want to talk about it?”

“No.”

Lena waited.

“And she wasn’t wrong, but she wasn’t right either,” Chloe said momentarily raising her head from the pillow. Lena held back a chuckle, she remained in silence and then Chloe sat up. “I know you want me to do good in school. But you and mama are super smart and I’m just me. I don’t get math. And I don’t get school. It’s boring and it’s useless.”

Lena wondered if this was already a sign of the approaching teenage years. She was pretty sure they still had two or three years before that. It was better for Lena to prepare.

“I think I know how you feel. You know how your grandma sent me to a boarding school?” Chloe nodded. “Have I ever told you about the time I ran away from it?”

“What? No way! You’re too much of a nerd for that.”

Lena raised an eyebrow faking being offended. “Although what your mama tells you, she is not the only rebellious of the family.” Chloe giggled. “I was older than you, and there was all this pressure with exams coming up, and teachers pushing me, and your grandma's pushing- either way, I was tired of it all so one day I just left. I was only gone for a day, but it still counts.”

“What did you do?”

“I realized that this was a moment, a phase that I have to walk passed until I could do what I wanted.” Chloe looked down resembling Alex’s expression not so long ago.

“It’s just such a long time,” Chloe whined.

“And your mama and I will be here through it all. If you need help with math, we will help you; if you need to take a day to cool off, we will do that.”

“The things I said to mama- I didn’t mean them.” Chloe looked up with tears in her eyes.

Lena had no idea of what it was about, and yet she worried about Alex. “It’s late, and I think we all could use some sleep. Tomorrow you can talk and apologize to your mama. We will figure something out about math as well.” Lena kissed the top of her head.

Chloe nodded.

"Goodnight, babygirl."


	16. After

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Two new chapters for you - this was supposed to be up tomorrow but I got anxious and decided to put them up today.
> 
> Old readers, if you go back you'll see that all chapters have a date at the beginning (aka I finally forced my lazy ass to to sit down and make a goddamn time line for this fic). I think it will help to have a vision of how many time has passed and what happens before or after what. When the dates are relevant I will let you know either way. For these next two chapters, they happen on chronological orders, so no need to worry.
> 
> I hope you enjoy it!
> 
> (PS: I was completely caught off guard by the response on last chapters. Thank you so much for all the kudos and comments! I guess you all like angst after all LOL. Fun fact: it was one of the first chapters I wrote for this story.)

November.10.2035

 

The bell rang as Lena was finishing applying her make up. She usually had fun in fundraises, the problem wasn’t the event itself, but the guest list. When she saw Maxwell Lord’s name on it, she knew her night wouldn’t be pleasant, and as she continued reading it only got worse. At least she had Sam to bear the torture with her; her mother was supposed to be there as well, but the woman bailed out when Lena started complaining about it.

“Coming!” Lena screamed. She took one last look in the mirror; she looked good in her dark purple dress. Her hair was loose over her shoulder, slightly curly. She took her earrings and heels: she could finish getting ready on the limo.

She turned off the lights. Alex had Chloe ‘till Tuesday, so she didn’t have to worry about arriving early. Not that she planned on staying late, but sometimes it was good not to have a time set to come back. Maybe she’d even meet someone nice there. Only for the night, of course. Anything else turned out frustrating. Relationships were complicated. More complicated than she remembered.

Being the CEO of two major companies didn’t help. Being in her forties didn’t either. Not to mention having a child.

Lena was happy single.

Lena opened the door to a sight.

It was Alex wearing a black suit with a wine-colored tie, high heels, and some light makeup that highlighted her eyes. For a moment, Lena stood there with her mouth agape in part because the whole look Alex was attacking her with, in part because of the simple fact she was there.

“Hey,” Alex smiled. “You look stunning.” Alex offered Lena her hand. Lena took it almost on automatic. The limo was waiting for them a few steps away. “Do you want me to put them on you?” Alex asked pointing at the hand in which Lena had her earrings.

Lena mentally shook herself out of the shook. She swallowed and nodded. “Yes, thank you.” She put the pair on Alex’s hand and moved her hair away from her ear so Alex could put them. Alex was gentle at handling her as she had always been. It took no time before Alex was asking her to turn, and Lena offered her other ear. “What are you doing here?” Lena finally managed to ask.

“Your mother told me you had a Fundraiser with some less-than-pleasant individuals. I thought I could offer you my services to get through the night.” Lena smiled at her playful tone. “Your mother conveniently had this lying around,” Alex said fixing her suit. Of course, she did, Lena thought. Now that explained why her mother told her she wouldn’t be going to the Fundraises. “She also got Chloe for the night. Honestly, I don’t know what those two are up to, but at this point, I’m too afraid to ask.”

Lena laughed. Those two had been growing closer as Chloe got older. Lillian hadn’t given her any reason to worry since they let her back into their lives when Chloe was just a baby. It had turned into an inside joke for them (with just a bit of true worry in it).

"Your services, huh?" Lena asked, stepping closer to Alex. "What will it cost? I can't exactly pay you as I would've." It was too close, Lena realized a moment later, but it was too late to step back now. Alex showed no sign of retracting, either.

"I'm sure we can come to some sort of agreement." Lena bit her lip. “Shall we go?”

“Yes.”

It was only when she was inside of the limo next to Alex that Lena stopped to think about it. What were they doing? They weren’t together anymore. But for that moment it didn’t matter, because these events were much more pleasant with Alex around.

Alex caught her staring. “Is something wrong?”

“No,” Lena smiled. “Just, my mother has good taste.” The lighting in the limo shows clearly the blush that takes over Alex’s cheek.

In other occasions, Lena would’ve climbed on Alex’s lap and kissed her blush away, until they were both sexually frustrated to a point they would count the minutes to get home. Lena held that memory dear in her memory. But it was all that was: a memory.

“You ready?” Alex asked once the limo came to a stop. The driver also waited for Lena’s confirmation to unlock the door. With Alex, Lena felt she could face everything. And oddly enough that never changed.


	17. After

January.05.2036

 

Lena smiled going through the photos Alex had sent her. At the same time, her chest tightened. It had been almost a week since Lena had last seen her baby and it was the longest time she'd been away from Chloe. Sam raised a curious eyebrow at Lena. The woman then gave Sam her phone so her best friend could see it too.

"It looks that they are having fun," Sam told her giving Lena the phone back. "You miss her, don't you?" Lena pouted which made Sam chuckled. The taller brunette reached for the remote stopping the show they were watching. She knew better than to complete with Chloe for Lena's attention. "Well, take it from me, it doesn't get easier. Just wait until Chloe goes to college. You will cry a whole week."

"I still have some years before that." Not as many as Lena would like, but that was a future problem. "I kind of regret not taking Alex's invitation to go with them, but with the whole merge I didn't want to stay away from the company so long."

Sam raised an eyebrow. "Alex invited you to go with them?"

"Yeah. It was supposed to be a family vacation. I told them I'd go next time."

Lena kept going through the pictures. Most of them were taken by Chloe, but the landscapes were Alex's. Lena particularly loved the little comments they left on the photos. Like on a photo of Alex falling halfway through a wave. "Professional Surfer," Chloe had written under it. Lena was tempted to take a picture of herself pouting, and send it back to them. Sam clearing her throat brought Lena back to reality.

"Sorry, what were you saying?" Lena asked.

"I was asking you if you thought that was a good idea. For you and Alex to be this close. You are divorced, and we both know what happened the last time you and Alex were this close."

Sam was the only person she told about sleeping with Alex. She needed someone to tell her she wasn't the worst person in the world for kicking Alex out as she had. It had felt awful. It still felt awfull even years later. Like kicking a puppy. But they had moved passed that.

"I got this," Lena said to Sam.

And she did. She had rules so that mistake wouldn't happen again. They were simple enough, and Lena was proud to say she hadn't broken all of them yet. They all could be summed up to a simple rule: not to be alone with Alex. The rest was details. Like remaining on the Chloe subject – which was hard to do! Sometimes they started talking about Chloe, and the next thing she knew Alex was telling her about a funny case that happened at work.

But she was trying. And she was keeping her distance. And nothing like that ever happened again.

The only problem was that it didn't keep her from falling in love with Alex all over again.

But she couldn't tell Sam that. Because she knew what Sam would say. And how she'd look at her. How she was already looking at her.

"I'm serious. Nothing is happening between Alex and I. We are just raising a kid together."

"Is that why you have her favorite beer in the fridge?" Lena was not expecting that attack. "Is that why she keeps sending you lunch at L-Corp?"

Lena smiled faded. She didn't appreciate the way Sam was talking to her. The night had been going so well. "Just say whatever you want to say. I don't need you or anyone judging me."

"I'm not judging you-" Lena scoffed. "I'm just worried. You two don't have the best record of being apart. Even before the divorce."

"You were the one who encouraged me to carry on with the divorce."

"And I stand by that. Do you remember how you felt back then? You'd come to me every day feeling how tired you felt only being close to Alex. You were a wreck. You weren't doing each any good."

Years before, Lena would completely agree with Sam. Now, that wasn't the case. Maybe it was the distance from the picture, – or maybe a bit of idealization – but in her memory, things weren't so bad as she felt they were back then. More than ever she wondered if it had been only a matter of distance or even therapy. Why hadn't they gone to therapy? Lena couldn't remember. For her, their relationship just felt over to a point it seemed senseless.

She couldn't go back and do things differently, she wasn't sure if she would go back if she could. The separation had made them grow (apart and together, as ironical as it sounded), and the growth had been good not only for the two of them but for Chloe as well. At the same time, the divorce didn't have to meant that was the end of it. Surely other divorced couples got back together before them.

"Would it be so bad if we got back together?" Lena felt the need to ask. Sam had always been there. Sam had been her person through the divorce. She knew she had Kara as well, but she'd rather avoid complication. They were lucky it all ended up amicably.

Sam's face wasn't encouraging. It was her ‘I don't have good news' face.

"I don't think that's the best idea you ever had. I mean, why would it be any different? Sure it starts in the honeymoon phase, and then after a year or two when you fall back into a routine, what happens?"

"We talk. We take some space. I'm not going to do everything all over again."

Sam tilted her head and returned the phone to Lena. On the screen, it was a photo Alex and Chloe had taken together. Chloe had grown a lot during the last year, she had already passed Alex's chin. It was all just a reminder of how much time it had passed. And how she shouldn't waste more of it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts? Expectations? Are things looking up for these two?
> 
> Edit 09/22: Updates [here](https://kiss-my-selfie.tumblr.com/tagged/Lost-Ships)


	18. After

March.01.2036

 

Alex opened the door, and Chloe rushed inside. Lena screamed for her to take off her shoes, but it was ignored as her daughter looked at the fridge's content. 

“New baking book?” Lena questioned. Alex smiled guiltily. Lena hated how she managed to get away with anything using that smile - she really didn't. “I’m calling you once she’d done with her newest invention. I’m not the only one getting fat due to our daughter’s culinary talent.”

“She has already banned me from using the oven on my own,” Alex laughed, but she didn’t continue the conversation as she normally would. Instead, her face turned serious. Lena couldn’t tell if it was good serious or bad serious. “I was hoping to talk to you about something. In private.”

“Okay. Let’s go to the office. There’s something I’ve been meaning to talk to you as well. ” Lena had been working out the courage to talk to Alex. What was the worse that could happen? If she and Alex had survived through a divorce, they would survive whatever happened. 

Alex nodded and followed her there. 

The office had changed a lot from what it used to be. It had been a while since Alex saw it, but the once empty bookcases were now filled with business books, some fiction here and there. There were even a few of Chloe’s cooking books that Lena found lost around the house.

Lena understood Alex’s curiosity as she took the place in. She didn’t use to work there back when it was  _their_  house. She’d say Alex distracted her whenever she tried to work – and Alex missed completely how her tone changed from amused to annoyed with the time. Now she spent as much time there as she did at L-Corp. That way she could be closer to Chloe and work at the same time. Not that Chloe spent much time with her. 

No, now it was all about her friends. She was glad that Alex constantly reassured her that she wasn't the only one facing that new phase of Chloe. 

“Do you want some coffee or anything?” Lena suddenly felt nervous. She could use a glass of bourbon to ease her nerves, as much it wasn’t her favorite. It was Alex's. It was used to be at least.

Alex shook her head. Her eyes were mostly on the floor, and Lena crossed her arms to keep from reaching for Alex and asking what was wrong. 

She had been thinking about it for a while. Maybe too long, but Sam had made her insecure about it, but during the last month Lena decided to take the chance, take the first step and then see what happened from there.

Lena leaned against the desk, trying to offer Alex a comforting smile. She could do this. She could tell Alex that she still loved her. She could tell Alex they deserved a second chance-

“I’ve been seeing someone,” Alex blurted out.

Lena blinked, surely she had misheard that.

Lena felt like she should have expected that. It had been six years. It’s not like Lena had gone sabbatical either. She had her dates - none that pleased her enough to turn into something else, but she had them. It wasn’t fair to imagine Alex wouldn’t move on. That she wouldn’t find someone. After all, Alex was great. Although all their faults and the flaws in their relationship, Lena did marry Alex for a reason.

Still, the confession felt like a punch in the gut. Lena did not react. It was the best she could do. She struggled enough to maintain her smile.

Alex’s mouth kept moving, and Lena was aware of her voice, but she wasn’t processing any of it. It was all white noise. She barely processed how happy and nervous Alex looked. All she could think was how stupid she was to fall in love with Alex again. Eventually, Alex’s mouth stopped and Lena realized she was supposed to offer some verbal confirmation that she was present in the conversation – which she was not. 

“That sounds good. She sounds good.”

“Yeah. It is. I’ve been seeing her for a while now, and I really like her, and I’m not sure I want to continue it if it doesn’t end up going anywhere so I want her to meet Chloe.”

“Oh.” It’s the only thing Lena can say to stop the immediate ‘no’. It was an instinctive ‘no’. It was the ‘no’ of a mother keeping her child safe. But Chloe was safe. As long as she was with Alex, Lena had no worries about her daughter. Lena was scared for herself at that moment. “How long have you um- been seeing her?”

Alex frowned, she probably already told Lena that. “It’s been official for two months, but I started seeing her maybe six or five months ago.” So it was serious, Lena’s mind supplied. Of course, it was serious, Alex wouldn’t introduce their daughter to a one-night stand. And it had been six years. Six years since they signed the divorce. “You can meet her first if you want. Or I can wait a bit longer. It’s fine.”

“No, it’s okay. You should- You should introduce her to Chloe. I trust you, and you are her mom as well, you don’t need to ask me for permission. I’d love to meet her as well when you deem it appropriate.”

Lena was not ready for Alex’s arms surrounding her. After a moment of surprise, Lena hugged her back. (And if she inhaled more deeply was not to take in Alex’s perfume that she loved).

As if remembered her place, Alex took a step back. Her cheeks were slightly blushed. The pain in her chest kept Lena from having the same reaction.

“You wanted to talk about something too, didn’t you?” Alex asked.

Lena fought back a chuckle. That was ironic, wasn’t it? “I can’t remember what it was about. I’m sorry, I must be tired.”

“You work too hard.” Once again, Alex was close to her, close enough their bodies almost touched. “Why don’t you go take a shower and I get dinner started with Chloe.” 

“It’s fine. You should go. I’m sure you have plans for the day.” And maybe her voice sounded too bitter, but it got her message through. On her defense, she was caught off guard. 

Alex nodded.


	19. After

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heads up at the date - this chapters happened before the last one.

January.20.2036

“Sam,” Alex said as she opened the door a bit confused.

It was in the middle of the afternoon. She had gotten off work early and had at least an hour until she had to pick up Chloe. She was making sandwiches hoping to surprise Chloe with a picnic after school. Maybe even convince Lena to go along with them. Lena had been acting weird since they came back from their small vacations – maybe feeling a bit left out. Alex was hoping to fix that.

“Is everything okay? Is Lena-“

“Yeah, everything is fine.”

“Good, I was hoping to take Lena out for a picnic later with Chloe.”

“You have to stop it,” Sam said. There was violence in the way she said it, which was completely strange to Alex. They had always been in good terms, even after the divorce. They weren’t best friends, but friends nevertheless. Alex leaned back against the table wearing a frown and deciding to give Sam the benefit of the doubt.

“What exactly do I have to stop?”

“This thing with Lena.” Alex frown deepened. “This isn’t doing you any good. This isn’t doing her any good. You have to let her move on.”

“She was the one who asked for the divorce,” Alex said crossing her arms. She remembered the two glass of wine on Lena’s sink, the strange jacket hanging by the door. She remembered Lena kicking her out as if she was a random one-night stand, not even able to look at her face. “From what I know, she’s been having no problem moving on.” She shrugged.

Sam ran her hand through her hair. “For God’s sake, Alex. What you guys been doing is not healthy for either of you. And it’s not healthy for Chloe either.” Sam could see a spark on Alex’s eyes at the mention of her daughter. “If I thought Lena could see it, I would have talked to her. Hell, I’ve tried that. But you have to see it, Alex. This whole staying close, talking every day, lingering looks, inviting each other over- You will never be able to move on like this. It’s bordering abusive.”

“We have a daughter to raise, we have to stay in touch.” Alex's repeated the doctor's words.

“Not in the way you do. She shouldn’t have to come over to take care of you when you are sick-“

“I didn’t ask her to-”

“You didn’t stop her either,” Sam interrupted. “You sent her flowers on her birthday. You send lunch and dinner to her office. You went as her _date_ to a fundraiser. You are no longer together, but you still act like you are, and it makes both of you emotionally unavailable. If you think that Lena is moving on, you’re wrong. She barely makes through one whole date before deeming that this person won’t even meet your standards and sending them on their way.”

Alex felt her heart skip a beat. It felt like hope, to think that she might be just what Lena needed. That this whole divorce thing was a mistake after all. And they could get back together.

Sam saw the glimmer in her eyes.

“Would it be so bad if we got back together?” Alex asked with the corner of her lips briefly rising. “We’d be a family again. Chloe wouldn’t have to go through all this shit.”

“Don’t do that.” Sam paused as Alex watched her. “What makes you think this would end any differently now?”

“I changed.”

“But how long until you get back to how you were? Barely speaking. Avoiding each other. Drinking.” She paused as Alex features hardened.

“Sam, I think you should go.”

“I know you care about Lena, which is why I’m here. You have to stay away. I’m not saying that you should stop talking to her or start being a dick to her. Just -whenever Lena is involved, maybe you should ask yourself if you might be sending mixed signals.”

Alex didn’t give her an answer. Instead, she walked to the door and opened it for Sam. She watched Sam until she left and slammed the door shut after her. She was sure that the only thing keeping her upright at that moment was the hold she had on the table. Somewhere during the conversation, Sam’s words started sinking in.

The possibility that what she was saying might be right made Alex’s knees week and her lungs burn.

Looking past the initial rage towards Sam, and her own possessiveness regarding Lena, she tried to figure out if Sam was right.

Maybe the birthday flowers were a bit too much, but they were Lena’s favorite. She had sent one to her office for ten years now, it didn’t feel right to break tradition. And she maintained her point that when she was sick, she never asked for Lena to come over and take care of her. But she’d admit it felt really good. Her mother always said that Lena took better care of Alex than Alex took care of herself.

The smile that formed on Alex's lips faded as she realized how tainted it had become by this new perspective Sam had brought.

She wasn’t a ten year old – she should be able to make through a cold without needing her ex-wife to come to take care of her.

She wanted a drink. The perspective of Sam being right twisted her stomach like it hadn’t been twisted in a long time.

Alex had experience with abusive relationships, but always from the outside. It was easier than being inside it – and although Alex hated the idea she was inside it, she wouldn’t deny some boxes checked.

At the same time it felt like an exaggeration 

The fundraisers had been nice. To be able to be with Lena like that again… Hold her, dance with her, laugh with her. She told Lena how she had missed it in the end of night. And just for a moment it felt as if they were about to kiss.

 

Alex wondered if Lena would’ve kissed her back.


	20. After

March.10.2036

It was not passed midnight when Chloe sneaked into Lena’s bed. She had just come back from Alex’s, and it wasn’t unusual for her to sneak into their beds. Alex said Chloe did the same with her.

Sleepily, Lena welcomed Chloe into her arms. She soon noticed her daughter was restless

“What’s wrong, Rocky?” Lena asked, rubbing the sleep away from her eyes.

“I met mama’s friend.” There was something odd in her voice. Hesitation.

“You mean her girlfriend?” Chloe looked up with guilty eyes. “It’s okay, honey. Your mama already talked to me about it.” Part of Chloe seemed relieved, but not totally relaxed. Lena ran her fingers through Chloe’s hair. “Was she nice?” Chloe shrugged. She tended to go quiet when she was stressed. “What’s wrong, baby? You know if you didn’t like her or if she did something you didn’t like you have to tell us.”

“She was okay,” Chloe said finally. Her voice was low. “I don’t like her with mom. I don’t want her with mom.” Lena felt like she knew where that was going. She read enough about divorced couples to expect it. So far it was the first time Chloe showed any signs.

“Why is that?”

“Because you love each other. It’s stupid that you two are not together. Even aunt Kara thinks so.” Lena’s eyes were blown wide. She was not planning on having that conversation at one in the morning, but if she learned anything with Chloe was to improvise.

“Honey. I told you, I love your mother,” Lena took a deep breath. “But not like that. And even if I did, that doesn’t necessarily mean we will be together.”

“Why?”

“Because some times that’s just how things are.” Chloe shook her head. “And your mother is allowed to see other people. Just like I am.”

“But what if you told mama you love her very very much?” And for a moment, right in front of her, there wasn’t her thirteen-year-old Chloe, but a much younger version of her. It hurt Lena’s heart to have to go through that with her daughter. It hurt enough without it.

“It wouldn’t change anything. We made a choice not to be together, Chlo. Not because we didn’t love each other, but because it was the best for the three of us.”

That was a lie Lena liked to tell herself these days.

“But you never asked me.” Chloe pouted.

“It was something that your mama and I needed to decide on our own. How about I’ll get you some warm milk, and we can talk more about this in the morning? Maybe call your mama so she can know how you feel about this?”

Chloe didn’t seem to like it but nodded with a yawn – tiredness finally catching up to her. She followed her mom downstairs to drink her glass of milk. Back on her mom’s bedroom, she snuggled back into bed, and Lena found herself pulling out her phone and hovering over Alex’s contact.

‘ _Your daughter likes having important conversations one in the morning. Reminds you of somebody?_ ”

She gave up on sending it and joined Chloe.


	21. Interlude

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! You will notice this chapter is a bit different from the rest of them: it's longer and it has more than one scene. As we are coming to an end I noticed we needed a change of pacing.
> 
> The last chapter will be posted next Sunda and it will have a similar structure as this one.
> 
> Anyways, hope you enjoy it!

October.21.2026

“We should have another one,” Alex said. Three years old Chloe had just fallen asleep in the middle of them, and she couldn’t stop staring at her. After the chaos that was Chloe’s first year, her third year was going smoothly. The only exception was a really scary flu Chloe had a month back – scary for them, the doctor claimed it was pretty standard.

With Chloe holding onto Lena’s hair, Alex was reminded how tiny Chloe used to be and how she was growing. She wanted it all again. Although how chaotic she knew it would be. It would be totally worth it. Not to mention, it would do Chloe well to have a sibling. Alex could tell what a difference it was to her to have Kara.

Lena giggled. “Yeah, sure.” Lena pulled away from daughter leaving the bed and into the bathroom to go on with her night routine.

“I’m serious. I mean, look at Chloe. Can you imagine what a great big sister she would be? And don’t you miss those cubby hands?” Lena rolled her eyes. She continued applying her creams without looking at them. Alex would have to use her secret weapon. “Look at this face!” Alex asked placing her pouting face next to Chloe’s.

She did not expect Chloe to turn and hit Alex with everything that she had. She hit her right in the eye and, in reflex, Alex turned to the other side.

“Shit.”

“Alex.” Lena immediately let her creams aside to come to Alex's aid. Alex was covering her right eye by the time Lena reached her. Alex was sat up on the edge of the bed, and her wife kneeled right in front of her. “Let me take a look at it, babe.”

Alex took her hand off from her face. She never expected a three-year-old to be able to hit so hard.

Alex held her breath but didn’t flinch as Lena took a look at her wound. She was used to it. Alex’s eye was red, and if Lena had to guess she’d have a black eye by the morning. Lena found no reason to worry. How much damage could a three-year-old make?

“Should I tell Haley I’m not going to survive?” Alex joked to try to ease the silence.

“No, but you should totally record her face when you tell her your three-years-old daughter gave you a black eye.” Alex’s mouth fell agape.

“That goddamn little Rocky,” Alex said looking back at the sleeping Chloe. She was completely unaware of any damage she made. Alex made her way to the bathroom to be sure Lena wasn't messing with her. Meanwhile, Lena found herself laughing behind Alex. “Hey, stop it.”

Lena laughed harder. “Or what? You’ll make me?”

At the challenge, Alex reached for Lena with her fingers ready. She started ticking Lena, and her wife tried to get away from her reach, only pleading for mercy when Alex had her pinned against the bathroom door. Lena was still catching her breath when Alex stole a peck from her lips. Lena pulled her into a deeper kiss and pushed her away right after.

“Go put some ice on that before it gets worse. I think it's safer if we put Rocky on her bed.”

 

June.19.2036

“It’s not good enough,” Chloe said, pushing her plate away after only one bite. She immediately stood up and raced up her room. Alex and Lena remained on the table, caught off guard by Chloe’s reaction. Both of them were already on their second bite of the  _petit gateau_  Chloe had made.

They traded a look before getting up and going up to Chloe’s room. Lena was the one who knocked.

“Hey, baby. Can we come in?” There was a muffled sound that neither of them could understand. “We are going to come in, okay, Rocky?” This time they didn’t wait as long before Alex was opening the door, letting them both inside.

Chloe was lying face down on the bed, her head buried between many pillows. She hadn’t even taken her apron off yet, and half of her hair had fallen off her bun. Each one of her mothers sat on one side of the bed. Lena started rubbing her backs.

“What is wrong, baby?” Alex asked.

“It is horrible!”

“What are you talking about, baby? It was incredible, I couldn’t stop eating,” Lena said.

Chloe sat up visibly upset. “No, it wasn’t. It wasn’t good enough. I’m a horrible cooker, I don’t know why I even try.”

“Oh,” Alex said. Lena looked up to see Alex’s face saying she had it handled. “You think your  _petit gateau_ is not as good as it should have been?” Chloe let her shoulders drop with a sigh. “You know that even if it’s not as good as you think it should be, it doesn’t mean you are a failure. Nobody gets it right the first they do something. It just means you’ll have to do it again. Have I told you about my first mission with the FBI?”

Chloe shook her head. Lena smiled, knowing that one. “I wasn’t exactly a rookie, but I was nervous either way. It was my first ‘going after’ the 'bad guy' kind of mission, and I was completely jumpy. Back then your uncle J’onn was my partner, and the guy we were after jumped on him and threw his gun away. I stood there unsure what to do because I didn’t have a clear shot, but at some point, the guy had a knife to J’onn’s neck, and I just reacted and fired. I was aiming at the guy’s knee, but it accidentally went through J’onn’s calf and into the guy’s foot.”

“You are lying.”

“No. I almost gave up that day. I thought I was going to be fired. That didn't happen. J’onn laughed the whole thing off saying he needed some days off anyway.”

“And at least nobody was hurt by your dessert. Which I still think tasted amazing,” Lena said. Chloe sniffled as Lena pulled her closer, wiping her tears. “You are amazing, regardless of anything. Don’t let anyone tell you any different,” her mom reassured her. Alex joined the hug right after.

 

February.22.2040

Chloe watched from the beach as her mama surfed the early morning waves. Whenever they came to Midvale, she liked to watch her mama in the water. She would wake up early with Alex, grab something to eat, a light blanket and watch Alex from the sand.

Although her eyes never left her mama, Chloe’s mind was far away. It was one of the reasons had she asked to come to Midvale for the weekend. Everything was calmer there.

Hearing footsteps, Chloe turned to see her grandmother arriving with two mugs with hot chocolate – of course, it was hot chocolate, it was practically tradition.

“Thank you.” Chloe smiled at her grandma, making room for her under the blanket.

They stayed like that for a few minutes. There was something oddly satisfying about watching Alex in the water. It was as if she was always meant to be there. Her mama used to tell her how, when she was young, she almost made it to nationals. But as she got older, she started focusing more time on studying and less on surfing until she completely stopped. Maybe her mother could’ve become a great surfer if she hadn’t stopped.

Chloe didn’t want that to happen to her.

“What’s wrong, honey?” her grandma asked, pulling the young girl away from her thoughts.

She shook her head. “Nothing. I was just distracted.”

“You don’t have to talk to me, but you can if you want to. I just think you should talk to somebody about whatever is bothering you,” Eliza said with that grandma's wisdom voice that only she had.

(Grandma Eliza was great to go to get some advice. Grandmother Lillian was Chloe's reality check - the one she could always count on to tell her the truth.)

Chloe thought about it for a few minutes more. She had wanted to talk to somebody about it for a while now, but talking about it would make it real. Making it real, terrified the hell out of her.

“What if I didn’t go to college?” Chloe’s voice trembled, and she didn’t dare to raise her eyes from the sand.

“I think that you shouldn’t do anything if you don’t want to. I guess you haven’t talked to your mothers about that yet.”

She hadn’t. She thought about it. She almost brought it up several times, but she wasn’t brave enough to say anything. It wasn’t that she was afraid of how they would react: they were her mothers, and they never gave her any reason to think they would be anything but supportive. But all of Chloe’s friends were applying to college. It felt as if she was doing something wrong by not doing the same thing as the rest of them. She wanted to do something different after she was done with high school.

She wanted to follow her dreams, as childish as it sounded.

“Do you know what you want to do yet?”

“I was thinking about maybe going to France. Try to get a job at a restaurant, get a hang on the business, learning with an actual chef. I know it’s not that easy, and I don’t want it to be easy. Grandma Lillian offered to hire chefs to teach me, but I kind of want it to be me, to do it with my merit.” Chloe looked up at Eliza. “It’s stupid.”

“It’s not stupid.” Eliza tucked Chloe’s hair behind her ear. She turned to watch her daughter fall into the water as the wave she was riding ended. "I think you should talk to them. They might react better than you expect."

August.30.2038

National City's traffic was awful, so Alex took Chloe to Midvale to start teaching her how to drive. Lena thought it was a bit early, but it was around that age when Jeremiah started teaching her how to drive, so Lena gave in.

"Safety first," Alex started. Chloe buckled her seat belt and adjusted the mirrors. Alex gave one last look on the road. "When you are ready, put your feet on the brake and pull the brake handle."

Chloe took a deep breath before doing exactly that.

It was a mostly smooth drive. Chloe was nervous - which was understanding. There was one minor scare when Chloe almost took the rearview mirror of one of the cars parked. Alex was quick enough to turn the wheel just a bit, so they didn't have to deal with that headache.

She insisted on Chloe driving a bit longer and watched as she got more comfortable on the driver's seat. If she was on Chloe's shoes, Alex and her father would stop by for burgers on the dinner close to the beach. Unfortunately, Lillian had completely ruined Chloe's taste for burgers during the last years.

Ice creams were a fair replacement.

"Can I tell you something?" Chloe asked with a smile.

"Always."

"I don't remember when you and mom were together. I mean, I don't think I do. I have these images of you two together. The three of us together. They feel like a dream. And they just may be, given how many stories aunt Kara told me of you two. Either way, the thing is: I don't remember when you two were together, but I remember how you two always looked like you were in love with each other. Even now."

Chloe looked up. Her eyes expected an answer, but Alex had no idea how to answer that when it wasn't even a question. She took another bite of her ice cream to buy some time.

"You're not wrong. I was in love with your mother, and the worst part of the divorce was that, although all our problems, I was still in love with her. I still am."

"I don't understand. Then why are you with Jin? Why aren't you fighting for mom?"

"Maybe I should've fought back then, but now it's too late." Their relationship was too tainted now. She had said too many things she regretted, and she regretted not doing another dozen. She used to imagine how to fix it if she could go back, but the self-torture did her no good, according to her psychologist.

"It's never too late." Alex had to hold back from chuckling at her fifteen years old's answer.

"Sometimes it is. Sometimes you don't get the girl at the end. Life doesn't have a script and it doesn't care about being fair or right." Alex looked down at the faded mark on her ring finger. She ran her digits over it. She missed the weight the ring used to have. "It's not a love story."

"Is that why you are with Jin?"

"No. I'm with Jin because I'm in love with her."

"You just said you are in love with mom."

"I am. I am in love with both of them but in different ways. With your mom, I never had a choice. She came out of nowhere and took my heart with her. And I followed," Alex said with a smile. It faded a bit as she continued: "I chose to fall in love with Jin. Love isn't always magical like in movies and books. It doesn't make them worth more or less. It just is."

"You know you make her happier, don't you?" Alex frowned at her daughter. "Mom. She looks happier when she's with you."

 

 


	22. The End

April.12.2039

Alex opened the door with a confused face, yet she smiled at Lena.

“Hey,” Alex greeted. “Come in. Want some help with that?” Alex pointed at the bags Lena was carrying.

“I got this, and you should be resting,” Lena said, looking at the papers all over the dining table. Alex had a guilt face as she closed the door. Lena walked past it to leave the bags in the kitchen. They were food bags: one with basic groceries and the other with take out.

“What are you doing here?”

“Brought you some food. You Danvers’s girls are always hungry.” Alex chuckled.

“You didn’t need to do that.”

“I wanted to." Alex was walking to join her, but Lena stopped her. “Go sit down! You shouldn’t be up!”

“I’m fine,” Alex argued, but Lena’s face didn’t give in.

“You fractured three ribs, you broke your ankle. You are not fine! You barely made it out of there!”

Lena hated how her eyes filled with tears. It was something beyond her control at that moment. Truth was, she was holding it back ever since Haley called telling her Alex was being rushed into the hospital. The waiting room was the worst part, waiting for the news of the doctor, and Haley telling her what happened – because not knowing was worse.

Explosion. Third floor. She jumped. Of course, she jumped.

Considering everything she left practically undamaged. Still, it scared Lena beyond words. She lost the count of how long she and Jin sat next to each other, waiting for news. Jin’s “I’m sure she’ll be fine” didn’t help. She kept retelling stories of “worse” things Alex had gone through. Lena listened for as long as she could, she didn’t want to be rude, but she had been there in all those times.

The time she got shot. The time she was kidnapped.

She should talk to her therapist about it.

Alex's shoulders dropped, and she made her way to the couch. Lena ran her fingers through her hair.

“I’m sorry. I’m just- I worry about you,” Lena let out.

“I know. Come here. I need to tell you something,” Alex said, patting the seat next to her.

Lena hesitated for a second. She had been keeping her distance since the hospital. She tended to break down when she was closer to Alex whenever Alex was hurt. Yet she complied because she knew Alex would be stupid enough to go to her.

She sat next to Alex. Alex’s deep eyes were hypnotizing.

“I was going to call you today, but since you are here…” Alex took a deep breath. “I handed Haley my resignation letter today.”

Lena blinked. “What?” There was no need to repeat the words. Lena had heard them loud and clear, but part of her couldn’t believe it. “You love your job.”

They had talked about it a few times. Not all of them calmly. Alex always refused to even think about it. Leaving the FBI. Alex always said it was in the job she found herself. Lena never wanted to take it from Alex, but it wasn’t fair for her to lose her wife to it.

Hearing those words from Alex felt unreal.

“I do. But for a moment there I thought that was it. I don’t know, it suddenly didn’t felt worth losing being here. With Chloe and everyone else.” There was something unspoken in her eyes. Lena didn’t even notice she had reached for Alex’s hand.

“As long this is what you want.”

Alex’s eyes dropped to their hands. “This is what I want.”

 

August.01.2041

Chloe unlocked the door as silently as she could. She totally miscalculated her time of arrival. She was never good at math. She locked the door once again without bothering to turn on the lights. It was far into the night, and she barely got an hour of sleep in the plane – she was too anxious about coming back home.

Nobody came to receive her. Chloe hadn’t told anyone she was coming – the truth was it was a last-minute decision, one that she only started thoroughly thinking about when she was already inside the plane. She looked up the stairs: only the hall light was on. Her mom was probably sleeping already.

Chloe truly had no idea what time it was. She was too tired to try to find out.

She dragged her feet up the stairs leaving her handbag by her room before continuing to go to her mother’s. The door was half-open, and Chloe only got rid of her shoes before climbing into the empty space in the middle of the bed. She let go of a tiring breath as she hugged the figure on the right, and the one on her left turned to embrace her as well.

It took a few minutes for Chloe’s mind to catch up that there shouldn’t be two people on the bed with her. The realization made her sit up abruptly.

Her sudden moves woke the other two. One of them turned on the lights, and Chloe was first relieved and then confused to find out that the second person in the room was Alex.

“Mama?”

“Chlo?” Lena rubbed her eyes. “What are you doing here?”

“I could ask her the same thing!” Chloe said.

Alex yawned. “First,” Alex started. “I’m not the one who was supposed to be a continent away. And second, can we talk in the morning? I don’t think this is an appropriate time to have this conversation. Or any conversation for the matter.”

Part of Chloe wanted answers… but most of her just wanted to go back to the comfort of her mothers’ arms. Alex pushing away the covers so Chloe could enter them was the final push for her to give in. Answers could wait. Sleep could not.

And besides, it couldn’t be so bad. Whatever it was.

Alex got up from the bed leaving Chloe with Lena. The older woman turned to her daughter caressing her cheek. Out of nowhere, Chloe felt her eyes watering, and her mother smiled at her softly. Lena pressed a kiss to Chloe’s forehead pulling her daughter closer to her.

“Whatever it is, we’ll figure it out in the morning.” Chloe nodded into Lena’s neck. They could hear faint sounds coming from a few rooms away.

“Are you and mama… together?” Chloe asked pushing down her hesitations – and expectations. She would probably sleep better with that question out of her mind whatever the answer was. She felt so ashamed that after all these years she still believed that there was hope for them.

Lena looked at the door. Chloe turned to see her mama holding an old friend. Alex threw Beebo at Chloe, and the smile came naturally in her daughter’s face.

“I thought you could use him tonight, Rocky,” Alex said slipping back into the covers. Chloe’s cheek heated up as she pressed Beebo against her chest. She was secretly glad that her parents hadn’t thrown him away as she told them to do.

Alex reached up and turned off the lights.

 

Novermber.07.2039

It wasn’t the first time her parents were called by the school. It was the first time they were called by the school because of something bad. They didn’t manage to talk much with Chloe before the director called them inside. Alex noticed her bruised knuckles and the way Chloe refused to look at them in the eyes. Lena's first priority was to ask Chloe if she was okay, and Chloe brushed it off with a shrug.

Inside the room, Chloe took the middle seat between her mothers. Alex and Lena greeted the director with a handshake. He offered them a short smile; it was a serious situation after all. Chloe shrank on her seat. Little were the days they had seen that pout.

“What exactly happened?” Lena asked crossing her arms. Chloe was surprised she hadn’t brought her lawyers with her, but Lena's business posture was still there. If it wasn’t for the disposition of their seats it would be impossible to say Lena wasn’t the one in charge in the room.

“There was an incident during break today. Chloe hit a classmate,” the director said. Lena and Alex turned to their daughter. Chloe could feel their judging eyes.

“Chloe, what do we say about hitting people?” Lena asked.

“Not to.” Lena’s smile was not fully formed when Chloe continued: “Unless I have to.” The director's eyes were open wide. Lena turned to her ex-wife recognizing those words.

Alex cleared her throat. “Why did you hit them?”

“He was being an idiot.” Chloe looked up to Alex. She knew it wasn’t a good enough answer, but her mama was the one most likely to side with her in this situation. “He was being homophobic, and he was bullying another kid. I told him to shut the fuck up-“ _Language_ , the director said. “And he didn’t, so I shut him up.”

Her mama pressed her lips into a thin line running her fingers through her short hair; her mother gave a nod telling her she heard what she was saying, but giving away nothing of her reaction. Chloe went back staring at her hands.

“We are highly against aggressive actions here in the school, and I can’t make exceptions. Chloe is a great student, but she will be suspended for three days, and so will the boy. If this ever happens again, I’m afraid I will have to take more drastic measures,” the director said. He then turned to Chloe. "You can't use your hands to express yourself. Not in an aggressive way.

_Maybe, if you actually did something before, I wouldn't have to hit him_ , Chloe thought. She bit her lips not to say anything. She was in enough trouble already.

“It won’t happen again,” Alex said firmly.

“We’ll take it from here. Is there anything else?” Lena asked.

“I just need you to sign the suspension papers and you can go.”

Lena took care of the papers, reading it before signing. They shook hands once again before leaving, and the director even tried to sooth Chloe’s mood; she was a good kid after all. Chloe remained silent.

On the parking lot, Chloe frowned watching both her mothers getting into the same car. How long had it been since the three of them were together in the same car? She truly was fucked.

Alex took the wheel.

From the corner of her eyes, Chloe could see her mothers exchanging looks. More than that: silently communicating. She tried to read what they were telepathically saying, but that was beyond her abilities. And it was weird. So weird. As weird as the two of them being in the same car together.

She couldn’t take it anymore.

“Can you stop that? You’re not married anymore to keep doing that.” Chloe crossed her arms. “Just talk.” Chloe saw them exchanging another look as they stopped on a red light. “Are you mad at me?”

“No,” her mama’s voice came softly from the driver’s seat. “We’re not mad at you. You shouldn’t have hit that boy, and we’ll have a long talk about it when we get home.”

“Are you disappointed at me?” This time her voice came out much lower. One thing was them being mad: she knew it would pass. If they were disappointed-

“No. Of course, we’re not disappointed at you,” Lena turned to put a comforting hand on her knee. Chloe looked at her with her tear filled eyes. She hadn’t noticed them until a tear managed to slip. She wasn’t even sure why she was crying. “You made a mistake, that’s fine. Mistakes are made so we can learn from them. Okay, baby? There’s no need to cry.”

Chloe nodded wiping away her tears.

The rest of the ride was silent and short. They parked in her mom’s house. Lena opened the door, and the three of them entered. She already pointed to the dining room while she made her way to an adjacent room pulling out her phone. Chloe let her bag on the foot of the stairs and grabbed fruit from the fruit basket sitting on the head of the table. Her mama returned from the kitchen with a bag of frozen peas that Chloe thanked for before putting it on her hand.

Chloe had been surprised when they both showed up at school. They usually took turns on this kind of things.

“Did you go for the nose?” Mama asked.

Chloe shook her head. “I thought he’d make too much drama out of it.” Alex chuckled. She had been the one to teach Chloe how to punch. And how much damage do with the punch.

"Is it hurting much?"

"It's getting better."

"We'll have to keep a close look on that hand of yours. If it keeps hurting we should go by the hospital."

"It's fine."

The sound of heels hitting the wood told Chloe that her mom was done with the call. The seriousness surrounded the room. Each one of her mothers was at a different side of the table.

Her mom started: “First thing: punishment. No cell phone for a month, and no computer either.” Chloe opened her mouth in shock, but she knew that look. There was no point in arguing. In fact, if she did, it was likely that she’d go longer without any of those things. She let out a heavy breath, frustrated and mad at herself. She took her phone out of her pocket and placed it on the table. “You only get to use this tomorrow to ask some of your friends for whatever class you missed because of suspension.”

“No going out this month either,” Alex added. “And we need to talk about why you hit the boy. I get that you were mad at the boy, but you can’t around punching people just because they are a bunch of idiots. You are better than that. You are better than them.”

“I know that.” Chloe felt tired. Part of her just wanted to curl up in bed and take a nap.

“Why did you hit him?”

“I wasn’t thinking. He was annoying, and I just reacted. I was just so done of his constant bullying and that nobody ever doing anything that I didn’t think.”

“That can’t happen again.”

“It won’t.” Lena and Alex traded looks. Chloe looked from one them to another. She felt drained. “Can I go to my room now?”

Lena nodded. Chloe stood up and got her bag.

“Rocky,” her mama called. “You know we love you, right?”

She did. They told her that enough times that she couldn't possibly forget it. They showed it enough time that she didn't doubt it. Still, it helped. Still, Chloe felt like she needed a reminder.

Instead of answering, Chloe just closed the distance between herself and Alex and hugged her mama with everything that she had.

The way her mother’s finger ran through her hair was familiar and soothing, just like the hand running up and down her backs. Still, in the hug, Chloe could see her mom smiling watching them.

She lost track of the time during the hug. Once it felt like enough, Chloe let her arms loosen, and her mama left a kiss on the top of her head. On her room she felt exhausted and dropped her body on to the bed, only bothering to take off her shoes before burying her head into her pillow.

Chloe didn’t realize she had fallen asleep. She looked around the room: it was still bright which meant she either slept way too long or just a bit. She reached for the nightstand to get her phone and see the time, only grabbing and. She remembered: she was phoneless for a month. She groaned falling back into the pillow.

She rolled on the bed stretching out. Chloe decided to make her way down the steps, maybe get something to eat. She was always hungry. She stopped in the middle of the stair as she caught up with a pair of voices. Her mothers’ voices. She frowned – had she slept that little that her mama was still there?

“Rocky. She certainly deserve the nickname,” Chloe heard her mom’s voice. She heard the sound of something being poured – knowing her mom, it probably would be wine. “I talked to the parents. She didn’t do any lasting damage to the boy, but his face will be a bit swollen for a few days at least. Given they were both wrong in this one, the parents decided to call it even and not press charges or anything. Still, I insisted on paying for the medical expenses.”

Chloe couldn’t say she regretted it. It had been worth it to shut him the hell up.

“She’s smart, like her mom. She didn’t go for the nose. That would need surgery,“ Mama said.

“Well, she’s impulsive, like you. She never should have punched him in the first place.” Alex chuckled. Chloe slowly sat down on the step of the stair interested to listen to the rest of the conversation for her own sake, – to know in how much trouble she actually was – and because it had been too long since she had since her mothers interact like that. “And what was that ‘unless I have to' thing?”

“What did you want me to say? I work for the FBI, it’s not like I can lie to her and say that I never have to hurt people, be it for myself or for others. And it’s still true. If Chloe was ever in danger, I’d want her to punch the hell out of them.”

“I hope she never has to.”

“Do you think we did a good job with her?”

“Of course. She’s a great kid, I don’t think I could have pictured a better daughter for us. We did a good job.” There was a long silence, and curiosity won Chloe over as she peeked into the dining room to see what was going on.

She found her mothers resting their foreheads against one another. Her mama’s hand on her mom’s hip, and her mom’s hands around her neck. It looked intimate. Too intimate to be watched and so Chloe climbed up the stairs before she could be seen.

 

August.02.2041

Chloe and Alex watched as Lena poured coffee on her mug. It felt like she was pouring it for minutes, and it became clear she’d only stop when all the coffee was in the mug or when the mug couldn’t fit any more coffee. Neither came because Alex held Lena’s hand telling her that was enough coffee for the next two days.

“We don’t need anyone having a heart attack,” Alex said. Lena rolled her eyes taking a sip of her almost full mug. She smiled at Alex, who just rolled her eyes. Chloe put her mug down.

“So… How long has this been going on?” Chloe asked, pointing at the two of them. “Don’t lie to me. No way this has happened only in this last month.”

Lena and Alex exchanged looks while Chloe took another sip of her coffee. Chloe couldn’t help but notice how lighter the two looked. Happier. And it wasn’t that odd image – they often looked like that when they were together. Even without the confirmation from her mom last night, it was clear that something was going on – new or not. Chloe surely didn’t miss how Alex had at least a change of clothes in the house or the extra toothbrush in her mother’s bathroom.

“It’s been going on for a while,” her mama admitted with a small smile.

“Like….?”

 

June.26.2039

The dinner had been nice.

It was the first time they ever let Chloe do a meal all by herself. With her fifteenth birthday just a few months away, she insisted she was responsible enough to do so. With some worry, they conceded – worry not because they didn’t trust Chloe, but accidents always happened.

They did it at Alex’s place out of convenience – and also to fill the place. Alex’s recent break up had taken a toll on her, although she didn’t want to admit. Alex had picked up Chloe from the school, got her to the market for some last-minute shopping and back home to start making dinner. Alex offered to help, even if it was just chopping some vegetables, but Chloe kicked her out of the kitchen.

Alex entertained herself with the TV for the next hour until Lena arrived straight from the office. She took her coat and helped Lena with her heels. Her mind went to Lena's favorite cider chilling in the fridge.

It was becoming an everyday thing for Lena to go to Alex's place after work. It started because of Alex's break up to making sure she was alright, but once Alex realized how stressed Lena was, it turned into a way for Lena to cool off. At first, they worried about Chloe finding it weird or making hurried conclusions, but the teenager didn't show any signs that she minded nor found it out of the ordinary. And so they let it happen. They let it keep happen, although the way their hearts went out of sync whenever their eyes met for too long.

Chloe took another half an hour to finish the meal after Lena arrived. Her parents teasing did not help, threatening to call for pizza if Chloe took too long. Of course, their teasing was made explicit by the affectionate kissing on the top of Chloe’s head after the girl put the main course on the table.

It looked tasty and tasted even better.

Afterward, Alex was the one to kick mother and daughter to the living room, while she dealt with the dishes.

Chloe succumbed to sleep first, and it was reasonable she did so: she must have been exhausted from school  _and_ cooking. Lena managed to guide a semi-asleep Chloe to her room. She came back to Alex getting the coach ready. Not for Lena – for herself. She insisted that her former-wife took her bed.

It was too late to go home anyway.

And so Alex settled on the couch.

Alex was startled awake by someone lifting the covers. Logically it could only be Chloe, but at the same time, there was no reason for it. Chloe only slipped into her bed when she was anxious or sad. When Alex opened her eyes, it was Lena who she saw infiltrating under the covers. Alex forced herself to stay still or else she might get ahead of herself and embrace Lena out of instinct. Lena showed no such hesitation. She pressed her front against Alex’s, and she fit her head on the place where Alex’s shoulder met her neck.

Alex’s heartbeat quickened at the sensation of Lena’s cold lips meeting her skin. It wasn’t a kiss – it was barely a touch. As Lena got comfortable, her movements stopped. Alex’s hand somehow ended up on Lena’s waist as if that’s where it always belonged. Lena leaned further into her.

It would be so easy for Alex to close her eyes, as if it wasn’t seven years since she was allowed such touch, or as if her heart didn’t show the signs of her most recent heartbreak. Maybe Alex would’ve if it wasn’t for the fact that they weren’t alone. Chloe was just some rooms away. What would she think if she woke up to find her mothers embraced like that?

“Lena,” Alex called. Her voice was so low that only the other women would be able to heart it. That was enough to get Lena’s green eyes to look at her.

“I’m tired of moving on,” Lena said. Her hand moved to trace Alex’s features. “I’m tired of trying to move on from you.”

Alex’s eyes looked for some sign in Lena’s eyes, but the sobriety in them scared Alex even more.

“What are you doing, Lee?”

“I missed you calling me that.”

“Lena.” Alex closed her eyes. She tried to remember Sam’s words. It was what kept her sane for so long.

“Why did you and Jill break up?” Lena asked pushing Alex down against the couch and setting herself almost on top of her. Alex tried to focus on the moment and not on her mind. Her mind that kept reminding her how hot Lena looked on top of her.

“We had some differences that we couldn’t work out.” Lena raised her eyebrow demanding more. “She- We were talking about the future, what we wanted out of it. I couldn’t give her what she wanted. What she has every right to want.”

“I’m sorry.”

Alex pressed her lips together. “It wasn’t your fault.” Well, that was kind of a lie. “She wanted to get married. To have kids. Move into a big house. Have a dog or two.”

“You always wanted a dog,” Lena commented.

“I wanted all of that. But not with her,” Alex let it slip. She didn’t mean to. She didn’t want to press Lena in any way. She sat up. Lena adjusting so she was sitting on Alex’s lap.

Lena’s eyes fond hers. They were a haunting green in the dim light of the apartment. Alex felt as if Lena could read Alex’s soul and mind like an open book. That terrified her, and yet it would save her so much trouble. Lena ran her fingers through Alex’s aged features.

They weren't so young anymore.

“Tell me I’m not reading this wrong.”

Alex shook her head, for a moment unsure if that was the right answer. That doubt was quickly solved as Lena’s lips covered hers. All the stiffness Alex had until then faded as the familiarity of that touch filled Alex’s chest with warmth. She didn’t hesitate to let her hands rest on Lena’s hips, the ones barely covered by her nightshirt - Alex’s shirt borrowed for the night.

It wasn’t a long kiss, but it felt like one. Lena’s lips felt like coming home after so long.

Once they pulled away Lena looked at her and laughed. She laughed and hid into Alex’s neck. Alex found herself intoxicated by her laugh.

“Am I that rusty?” Alex asked.

“No. It’s not that.” Lena pulled away from her neck. “It’s just- I was terrified to do that.” Lena smiled. “I wanted to do that for a long time.”

Alex raised an eyebrow. “I’m glad you did.” Alex took one of her hands off from Lena’s hips and rested it on Lena’s face. “I never stopped loving you.”

It felt like a relief to say those words. She lost the count of how many times she bit her tongue to not say that, or how many time she erased that out of her texts to Lena. She even thought of sending Lena a letter with it once, but after Lillian’s monologue of the waste of paper that were letters, Alex decided against it.

Now she was glad she waited. Not because it was the right moment – there would never be a right moment if she waited for it -, but because it finally felt as if both of them were on the same page.

Once again, Lena's lips met hers.

They had to talk. They had a lot to talk about, but that could wait.

 

August.02.2041

Chloe blinked.

“That was two years ago.” Chloe’s eyes bulged with the new information. “Why didn’t you say something? Was it-” The idea occurred to her suddenly, and she just had to know. “Was I the problem?”

“What?” Her mama frowned.

Her mom moved around the table, taking the chair next to Chloe. She rested her hand on Chloe’s tight. Her mom always had such a calming touch.

“Of course not baby,” Lena said. She looked back at Alex. “We took it slow. We weren’t sure how it would work after… And we didn’t want anyone interfering it, for better and for worse. We wanted to tell you for so long, we just had to be sure.”

“We were going to tell you next month,” Alex completed. “We had bought plane tickets and everything. Either way, I’m glad you know now. We were terrible at hiding it.”

 

October.27.2039

With Chloe on her mama’s for the second night in a row, Lena was pulling a late night into work. With her eyes growing tired, she wondered if it was her age catching up to her. It was not like she was that old. She had no idea how once she managed to stay up for three days straight without falling into a coma after.

Sam was helping her not to fall asleep, but she had to go pick up Ruby at a friend’s house. Lena was considering shutting her computer off and calling it a night when the doorbell rang. It was late – too late for delivery, and she wasn’t expecting anybody. She pulled her phone out to check the security cameras. The light was dim, but Lena recognized that silhouette anywhere.

She got up from her chair and made her way to the front door opening it to Alex holding up a bouquet. Mixed in it, Lena could see her favorite flowers. She took it with a smile making room for Alex to come in. Alex waited until Lena closed the door to pull her closer by her waist and into a kiss.

It was the kind of kiss that made Lena feel completely silly. Young.

With a smile, Lena pushed her away. “What are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be with Chloe?”

Alex stepped closer once again, brushing Lena’s hair away from her face. “You have your mother to blame for that. She stole Rocky from me for the night. Apparently, she got some reservations at a fancy restaurant in Central City and wanted to take Rocky with her. In her word: ‘someone who can actually enjoy real food’.” Lena chuckled. That did sound like her mother. “And so I was alone, and I missed you. So I thought I could come over and not miss you any longer.”

“Charmer.”

“You have no idea how hard is to find a good flower shop open at this time.”

“And surely I must repay such effort.” Alex hummed in agreement. Lena joined their lips again, giving passage to Alex’s tongue as well this time. Once they pulled away, Lena yawned. Alex rose an eyebrow chuckling. “I’m sorry. I was working on this boring meeting I have later this week. Just give me a minute and we can-“

“You know that for me it’s more than enough to fall sleep in the same bed as you. Everything else is just a bonus.” Lena rested her head on Alex’s chest. It felt so good that if she wasn’t standing up, she could fall asleep there.

“Carry me up?”

“I don’t think I can do it anymore.”

“Let’s sleep on the couch then.”

“We are too old for that.”

“I’m not that old.”

Alex rolled her eyes, pulling them to the couch. She sat first, and Lena didn’t wait a full second before climbing on Alex. Lena forced her down into a lying position. Alex huffed but fell into a laugh as Lena’s hair tickled her nose.

“Shush,” Lena said, feeling Alex’s laugh run through her body. She could sense Alex coming up with an answer, but she was quick to disarm her by letting her hand slip up her shirt just on her hip and by kissing her neck. She never forgot the comfort Alex took on skin to skin contact regardless of how small or how silly as it was. “’ Love you.”

(Lena never noticed the words slipping from her lips.)

 

August.02.2041

 

“Your turn, Rocky,” Alex said taking their empty mugs to the kitchen.

Chloe groaned. “Can’t we skip this part?” It had felt so nice to just talk about silly, couple stuff with her parents - who were  _together_  again, she wanted to add. It was much more exciting than talking about what a failure she was.

Her mom reached for her hand. “We don’t have to if you don’t want, but we’re here for you whatever it is.” Chloe knew that, but it still made her nervous. Being an adult made her nervous. Too many choices, too many responsibilities. How bad it was that she kind of missed high school?

“I got fired. This guy in the kitchen messed up a dish and blamed me, but since he’s been there for two years they believed in him. I’ve been trying to find a job, but there’s nothing.” Chloe looked up to see her mama’s pissed off expression. Not at her, she knew that. “The worst part is that I’m kind of glad about it. I missed being here.” Her mama’s softened.

“Okay," Alex said.

“Okay?”

“I mean that you are grown enough to make your own decisions. And whatever you decide, we will be right behind you.”

“And you don’t need to decide anything right now,” Lena added. “Maybe some family time it’s exactly what you need. Honestly, Lillian is dying to see you. I lost the count of how many times I had to stop her from getting into a plane to visit you.”

“I miss her. I miss all of you.” And before the words were fully out, Chloe was already sandwiched between her mothers.

 

August.03.2041

They don’t make an announcement out of it: they simply stop hiding it. People slowly recognized the signs, but they couldn’t be blamed for taking so long: Lena and Alex had never changed much how they acted around each other. Alex always had lingering touches when it came to Lena; Lena never stopped looking at Alex as if she wanted to devour her. The only difference was that those little signs were more frequent.

It became more obvious when Lena simply leaned in and kissed Alex’s cheek in the middle of lunch. Alex's cheek burned as she smiled at Lena. It was the most intimate interaction they showed around their friends.

Alex looked up to find Kara’s curious eyes interrogating her. Her smiled probably gave her away to her sister, but – again – they weren’t trying to hide it anymore. Besides, she wasn’t worried about Kara’s reaction. The only reason that her younger sister didn’t try to set them up during their years apart was that Alex asked her not to do so.

Who Alex was worried about was Sam.

She glanced at the woman. She was chatting with Chloe about whatever place in Italy she had to visit when she went back. They were still talking about that, they wouldn’t rush Chloe into anything. She had other options to do what she wanted.

As it was usually on a lunch with everyone, it only ended when there was no food left – and not because the food was lacking. Everybody helped to clear the table – except Lillian who stole Chloe away. The Danvers sisters were in charge of doing the dishes, kicking everybody out of the kitchen.

“Don’t make too much of a mess,” Lena said leaving another kiss on Alex’s cheek. When Alex turned back to Kara, her sister was grinning from ear to ear.

“Quit staring at me like that.” Alex hit Kara with a towel. “It’s creepy.”

“I’m just happy for you two. And by Chloe’s smile, she is too.”

And Kara said nothing more. She didn’t need to, her smile said anything, and so did Alex’s. It didn’t stop the older sibling from splashing some water on her halfway through doing the dishes, and that - to no one's surprise - turned it into a full-on war. When Sam entered the kitchen she found a soap bearded Kara laughing with Alex, while the older sibling tried to keep her a distance.

They stopped as if in a picture, and tried to act as if everything is normal. By their standards, it was pretty normal. Sam smiled, and Alex tried not to seem as nervous as she felt.

“Need a hand?” Sam asked.

“Kara, why don’t you go clean up?” Kara looked between the two of them and nodded, exiting the kitchen. Alex threw Sam a towel while using a dryer one to clean herself from her antics with Kara.

She had thought a lot about what she’d say to Sam, but all her preparation suddenly vanished from her mind. Sam looked… not pissed, so Alex was taking it as a good sign.

For the first minutes, only the sound of the water could be heard. Sam washed away the soap from the dishes, handing them to Alex to be dried. Sam turned the water off, starting to soup the rest of the dishes.

“I wanted to apologize,” Sam said. “I don’t regret what I did back then, but I see now that it wasn’t completely fair of me.”

“You were trying to protect Lena. I can’t fault you for that.”

“Still, I overstepped. If I were in your shoes, I’d be pissed at me.” She was pissed at Sam for a bit, thinking of all the missed time with Lena because of it. After a while, Alex just let it fade away. It felt good to let go of negative things.

“You cover for Lena for a week, and we can call it even.”

Sam smiled. “Planning a romantic getaway?”

“Something like that,” Alex told Sam. They were overdue to some family vacations. What a better moment than now that Chloe was back, and everything was out in the open?

Though Alex had to admit, part of her would miss sneaking around.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's a happy ending! Sorry for keeping the suspense for so long. At first I wasn't sure what the ending was going to be.
> 
> I hope you enjoyed the journey. Thank you for being part of it.
> 
> PS: Chapter 23 will be a timeline because I know it may be confusing.


	23. Timeline

Lena & Alex start dating - 28/02/2019  
Engagement - 03/12/2020  
Chloe is born - 17/07/2023  
Chapter 6 - 19/11/2023 ==> Lillian with Chloe  
Chapter 21 - 21/10/2026 ==>Rocky  
Chapter 7 - 29/10/2027 ==> Lena’s birthday/Surprise breakfast  
chapter 3 - 10/10/2028 ==> Alex watches Lena getting ready  
Chapter 4 - 10/06/2029 ==> Things aren’t so good/fighting  
Chapter 11 - 27/01/2030 ==> Divorce  
Chapter 5 - 15/02/2030 ==> Telling Chloe  
Chapter 12 - 24/04/2030 ==> Lillian talks to Alex  
chapter 2 - 21/05/2030 ==> Alex’s brings Chloe home  
Chapter 1 - 17/07/2030 ==> Birthday  
Chapter 8 - 18/10/2030 ==> Sleeping together  
Chapter 9 - 05/02/2031 ==> Lena adapting  
Chapter 10 - 18/03/2031 ==> The doctor calls them to talk  
Chapter 13 - 24/10/2031 ==> Alex’s sick  
Chapter 14 - 31/12/2032 ==> New Years  
Chapter 15 - 26/09/2035 ==> Lena’s date  
Chapter 16 - 10/11/2035 ==> Fundraiser  
Chapter 17 - 05/01/2036 ==> Lena & Sam  
Chapter 19 - 20/01/2036 ==> Sam talks to Alex  
Chapter 18 - 01/03/2036 ==> Alex has a new girlfriend  
Chapter 20 - 10/03/2036 ==> Chloe meets Alex’s girlfriend  
Chapter 21 - 19/06/2036 ==> Chloe’s petit gateau  
Chapter 21 - 30/08/2038 ==> Alex teaches Chloe to drive  
Chapter 22 - 12/04/2039 ==> Alex quits  
Chapter 22 - 26/06/2039 ==> Alex’s break up  
Chapter 22 - 27/10/2039 ==> Chloe is with Lillian  
Chapter 22 - 07/11/2039 ==> Chloe fights  
Chapter 21 - 22/02/2040 ==> Chloe and Eliza  
Chapter 22 - 01/08/2041 ==> Chloe finds out  
Chapter 22 - 02/08/2041 ==> The next day  
Chapter 22 - 03/08/2041 ==> Lunch


End file.
